Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Why can't it just be simple....?

How is a relationship supposed to survive never seeing one another? For four years now, Ruanita and I have worked opposite schedules. I work 7:00am until 1:00pm. Ruanita works 2:00pm until 10:30pm. We are both off work on weekends, but weekends tend to be filled up with all of the errands that get neglected during the week. Monday through Friday, we never see one another. I get up and go to work while she is still in bed. When I get off work, she is usually standing in the yard waiting for me. It is a quick "Hello. Goodbye" and she is off to work. In the evening when she gets home at 11:00pm, I am usually already in bed asleep. All of our communication during the week happens over the telephone. There are so many things that get lost in translation when you are not speaking face to face. Frustrations with the children, everyday household issues, scheduling concerns....everything...gets blown out of proportion. For example, today our dryer stopped working. Who should be the one to call to schedule a service call? I am at work. Ruanita is busy at home with the children. I thought she should have to take care of it. She thought I should have to take care of it. Things have to be done and we are never together to handle things as a team. The way in which a marriage...a relationship...should work. It's all about teamwork, right? I can't even count how many times during the week we end up hanging up on one another after getting completely frustrated at our inability to communicate effectively over the phone. When we get together on the weekend and can actually talk face to face, we almost always realize that we were on the same page all along. The subtle nuances of discourse are just lost on the phone. It's just plain tough maintaining a relationship via the telephone. There are days that I feel so very disconnected from Ruanita and utterly alone in this whole parenting thing. I am pretty certain she feels the same way. We are essentially single parents...occupying the same space, but living separate lives. We keep telling ourselves that this schedule is only temporary. Once the twins start kindergarten, we will get relief. However, that is an entire year away. Another whole year of miscommunication. Another year of misunderstood exchanges. Another year of inaccurate assumptions. Another year of missing one another and wishing, simply, that we were together.

I love Ruanita with all my heart. We have created a history that I cherish and a family I adore. I would endure anything to be with her. However, I just wish this could be a little easier. Can't it just be simpler?


Jennifer said...

I think every relationship goes through this at one point or another... my husband and I are with each other EVERYDAY, he works from home in his home office and ya already know I'm a SAHM... and there are alot of days I feel this way too. Everyday Life gets in our way.

Anonymous said...

Hang in there Shannon. You made it 4 years, you can do one more. I completely understand where you are coming from. When Jeanne works her long stretch of evenings, it's hard. Sometimes things don't get 'shared' with her simply because of having limited time to chat during her shift. Therefore, I have to prioritize things. I send her texts sometimes, just so I don't forget to communicate with her. Since she is a nurse, busy saving lives :-), I can't just pick up the phone and call her and she be available. Again, hang in there, you are almost there!


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