Moment of terror....

I experienced a bit of a scare last night. Lucas was having trouble going to sleep, so when I went up to bed, I took him with me. He fell asleep in my bed. I prepared the chair in our room for him, with the intention that Ruanita would put him in the chair when she got home from work. We have a large oversized chair with an ottoman in our bedroom. If we push the ottoman up to the chair, the kids can easily stretch out and sleep in it as a bed. I fell asleep expecting Ruanita to be home at 11:00 as usual and move Lucas to the chair.

I woke up suddenly a few hours later. I looked at the clock and it was 12:30am. Lucas was still lying in bed next to me and there was no sign of Ruanita in sight. I immediately jumped out of bed in a panic. She should have been home an hour and a half before. She would never be late and not call. I immediately grabbed the phone and dialed her cell phone. The cell went straight to voicemail. I could feel myself panicking. My heart began beating quickly. I had visions of Ruanita sprawled on the ground covered in blood with pieces of her car littering highway 494. She could be anywhere between Eden Prairie and our house. Which hospital would they take her to? I had no idea. I couldn't call the police. An adult missing for an hour and a half isn't exactly a priority. However, if they knew Ruanita, they would know without a doubt that she would never ever be late without calling. I tried to calm my nerves by telling myself that she probably decided to sleep on the couch rather than move Lucas. That seemed like a ridiculous thing to do since our bed is significantly more comfortable and it would have taken all of two seconds to move Lucas. However, I walked downstairs to check out the couch. As I turned the corner and saw that the couch was empty, I was in full-on panic mode. I began to imagine a life without Ruanita. How would I survive? How would the kids survive without her? Everything we had built for the last 13 years flashed before my eyes. I know that sounds like a cliche, but it really happens in a moment of utter terror.

When I finally found Ruanita, her legs hanging off the side of Lucas' tiny twin bed, I was holding back tears and fighting the urge to jump on her and pummel her for scaring me like that. Instead, I woke her up and convinced her to come upstairs to our bed. It took me about an hour to get back to sleep after that. I fell asleep with my shoulder against hers. I felt the need to have that physical contact. My mind needed to be reassured that she really was there...I hadn't really lost the most important thing in my life.

Next time, I think I will pummel her.