Thursday, May 27, 2010

Not a Negative Nelly

I was recently told by Ruanita that my Facebook status updates trend toward the negative. Not wanting to be ordained a Negative Nelly by the Queen of Pessimism herself, I am going to attempt to alter my melancholy ways. The following is my attempt at a Pollyanna-istic examination of my life:

1. The extra 20 pounds I put on in the last year is really great! It will provide me with an additional layer of warmth this winter, in much the same way that the blubber of a walrus allows it to swim in frigid waters. In addition, because I do not have the money to purchase a whole new wardrobe, my skin-tight clothing will allow me to unleash my inner hoochie-mama...something I readily admit to never having done before. Yea!

2. Just because I am addicted to coffee...and food...and Facebook...and sudoku....and shoes...does not mean that I have an addictive personality disorder. Rather, it simply means that I am dedicated to the interests that I pursue. I strive for pleasure with wanton abandon. That's a good thing, right?

3. My life does NOT revolve around my children. I have interests outside of my children. As I alluded to above, I am interested in lattes and cheesecake and pie and potato chips. Never mind that these interests are a coping mechanism for dealing with my child-centered existence. They are independent interests, dammit!

4. My job is great! I really enjoy interacting with the public at large on a daily basis. Working for a heating and air conditioning company in Minnesota is just peachy keen. Not only do we have subzero temperatures for a good chunk of the winter, we also get the 90+ days in the spring/summer with high humidity. Hearty Minnesotans with their Norwegian heritage are perfectly adapted for the cold winter months. However, throw a little hot, humid weather at them and all hell breaks loose. I love the challenge of attempting to calm passive-aggressive sweltering Scandinavians with a propensity toward cursing in that "Minnesota nice" way. Doggone-it! It is hot in my house! You better get out here soon, ya betcha! Think the movie "Fargo" transported to the Kalahari desert. Fun stuff!

5. My children are really angels. Aside from the snake-in-the-butt incident I wrote about yesterday, they are perfect children. OK..."perfect" may be a bit of a stretch. However, they are sweet-natured children. OK...in all honesty, Sophie probably can't really be characterized as "sweet natured." They are well-behaved, however. Alright...that's really a bold-faced lie. I do believe, however, that they are well-meaning children. Ummm....OK...I don't about that one. "Well-meaning" may be a stretch, as well. Let's just say they are children and leave it at that.

OK...I can't take it anymore. That's all the Pollyanna-ism I can handle. I feel dirty now.

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