Monday, May 10, 2010

It's all about the food.....


Exactly four weeks from tomorrow, Ruanita and I will insanely be loading the kids and luggage into the car for the fourteen-hour drive to Kentucky for the Hardesty Family Reunion. It'll be a pretty huge assemblage of loud and rowdy people....t-shirts included. Though the prospect of a fourteen-hour drive with my kids is daunting, to say the least, I really cannot wait. The trip itself should be lots of fun. I am extremely excited about seeing my family, of course. However, beyond the sheer joy of spending time with people I love and rarely get to see, there are certain things that can only be found in Kentucky that I am looking forward to, as well. Among them are:

The Big Dipper--This is a little drive-through burger joint in my hometown of Owensboro, Kentucky. It is amazing. It is a dive, to say the least, manned all summer long by a dedicated crew of local high-schoolers. My brother was a Big Dipper burger flipper back in the day. The Big Dipper serves hamburgers, onion rings, and milk shakes that are absolutely pure heaven. The burgers are the saltiest that you will ever find, served on a toasted, buttered bun. The onion rings are pure greasy heaven. And the milkshakes....my personal favorites are banana and peanut butter...are so good that I would happily sell one of my children for one.

Pig-in-a-blanket--This is one of the most famous items on the menu at The Big Dipper. Though I am not a fan, Ruanita has talked about nothing but buying a pig-in-a-blanket (or two, or three, or seven) since we first decided to go to Kentucky this summer. Let me describe this gastronomic monstrosity for you. It begins with a hot dog, split down the middle with a slice of cheese wedged between the two halves. The hot dog is then wrapped in bacon and deep-fried to a crisp. After taking a nice, long bath in the oil, it is served on a buttered and toasted hot dog bun. Stop clutching your chests, people! Yes, it is a greasy, artery-clogging wonder to behold. However, the look of pure, unadulterated bliss on Ruanita's face when she eats one is nothing short of divine.

Grippo's potato chips--Imagine a barbecued potato chip so spicy that you cannot eat it without at least a 44-oz soda handy. A potato chip so coated with fiery goodness that it takes on a strangely luminescent orange color. A potato chips that turn your fingertips orange and leaves a strange glowing dust on everything you touch. Cancer-causing? Perhaps (they are definitely not a color found in nature). But they are heavenly...I can easily eat an entire bag in one sitting. So it is a good thing they do not sell them in Minnesota....though I WILL be bringing home a stash of them, for sure!

Drive-through liquor stores--Only in truly redneck locales will you find a drive-through liquor store. It is wrong on so many levels......but dammit, it feels so right! Imagine being able to pick up your beer or wine without having to drag the kids into the liquor store. Imagine being free of the judgmental stares of strangers when you inevitably have to ask your three-year-old to carry the tequila bottle (your hands are full with the beer, but you really want margaritas at the barbecue!) You drive up, place your order, pay, and someone hands you a case of ice-cold beer...right...in...your...car. Ingenious!

REAL biscuits and gravy--Yes, you can find biscuits and gravy in Minnesota. However, it is somehow not the same as good old-fashioned Kentucky biscuits and gravy made with sausage and grease and love. And they are on the menu in every restaurant there. Yum!

The Parrish Ave Goodwill-- Ok...I realize this is weird. And I realize that Goodwill stores abound in the Twin Cities. However, nowhere on this planet will you find the bargains that are available at the Parrish Avenue Goodwill store in Owensboro, Kentucky. I hate paying full-price for anything....especially clothes for my kids who will inevitably rip a whole in the knees of any pants I put on them. So...problem solved! Tommy Hilfinger polo for $2? Check! Carter's jogging pants for $1? Check! Levi's bluejeans for $3? Check! All looking brands new! It's a bargain-shopper's Shangri-la!

Real, authentic Mexican food--This may sound odd since Kentucky is not exactly a border state. However, Kentucky is famous for one thing...tobacco. (Well...two things actually...tobacco and bourbon, but I am talking about tobacco right now.) So who are all of those tobacco farmers going to get to work the fields? The white people certainly don't want to do it. So....here come the Mexicans to save the day! Generations of Mexican migrate workers have come to Kentucky to work in the tobacco fields. Many of them decided to stay and raise their families there. Several of them started their own businesses and became a vital part of the community. As a result, Kentucky has some of the most KICK-ASS Mexican food you will find in the country! Oooohh....I am salivating just thinking about it!

Poker--I realize that I can play poker in Minnesota. I can walk into any casino here and play a few hands. I can even play poker online. However, nowhere except Kentucky can I play poker with the Hardesty clan. A poker game with my family is something sacred...something almost spiritual. To begin with, half the people are the table are fall-down drunk by the time we get to the third hand. My brother Matt, my Uncle Chris, and my cousin Denny, Jr., in particular, can be counted on to be crass, uncouth, politically incorrect, and downright vulgar. In other words...they are freaking hilarious! Nowhere else can I play poker and have someone yell "Bitch!" every time I drag a pot. Of course, the name-calling is done in an atmosphere of pure love and affection....at least that's what I am telling myself. You have to have a tough skin to play poker with these hard-core players. Otherwise, you would dissolve into a pool of tears before the second hand was ever dealt. Good thing I am such a bad-ass! Ummmm....yea....ok....

Barbecue--My hometown is nicknamed The Barbecue Capital of the World. When Owensboro natives talk barbecue though, they aren't talking about your typical pork or chicken. No...in Owensboro it is all about the mutton and burgoo. For those of you unaware, mutton is sheep. And in Kentucky, it is cooked for hours in a mix of I-am-not-sure-what-it-is spices until it falls apart. It is then shredded (or sliced, but shredded is better) and served on a bun as a sandwich. It is amazing. Burgoo is a spicy soup made from mutton and chicken and who knows what else....usually it will have corn, lima beans...ummmmm....I don't really know what else is in it. It is one of those ignorance-is-bliss type foods. I probably wouldn't eat it if I really knew what was in it. But it is DEEE-licious! Mmmmmmm. No place is the combination of mutton and burgoo done better than at Moonlight Barbecue...conveniently located right next door to The Big Dipper. Moonlight has an all-you-can-eat-buffet with every type of barbecued meat imaginable, as well as cornbread, good ole' southern beans, veggies floating in butter, and desserts that will put you over the edge.
Ok...apparently, my trip to Kentucky is NOT about seeing my loved ones. Rather, it is ALL ABOUT the food. I am OK with that. There is something comforting about the food you grew up eating. I cannot wait to sample all of the fiery tastes of my childhood...and hopefully win a few bucks playing poker, as well. Now I just have to survive the next four weeks to get there. I SO need a vacation!

2 comments:

Jen said...

KENTUCKY ROCKS! I wish you was drivin by my house, you could stop in! Have a great time at your Family Reunion and you mean to tell me that WE are the only state with Drive through liquor stores? LOL

Jenni Hodges said...

I am right there with you about the Dipper! One thing I hate about my parents moving to the other side of town is I no longer can just drive 5 minutes to the best shakes EVER!

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