Sunday, May 01, 2016

Tomorrow is Cycle 3 (Yay! Ugh.)

For those of you keeping track, tomorrow will be my 3rd cycle of AC chemo. To say that I am not looking forward to it would be a gross understatement. That said, I'm not really dreading it either.

It's a weird thing, this knowing that tomorrow will begin another week of almost complete debilitation. I fully expect to spend the next week on the couch with no energy to do much more than walk myself to the bathroom 14 or 15 times a day (because 80-100 ounces of water is a LOT of fluids). It's not something that is fun, but at the same time, I want to get this treatment over with. So I desperately want to go to chemo, too. It's sort of an emotional roller coaster of desires--to want to do something desperately that you totally have no desire to do. This is a new emotion for me. I wonder if it has a name...? Desperanguish? Eageravoidance? Shittypoopooness?

This time, Ruanita is not going with me. My sister, Amy, will be taking me and sitting at the hospital with me for five hours. Lucky girl! Amy is sort of like me in that she has a totally unnatural and borderline freakish interest in all the blood and gore. Whereas Ruanita will never go back with me to have my port hooked up and my blood drawn, Amy is looking forward to seeing me poked and prodded. I am pretty sure she will not look away squeamishly when they pull out the big red syringes. So it might be nice to go to chemo with a kindred spirit who will ooh and aah at all the the gory medical accoutrements right along with me. If nothing else, it will prove interesting.

And there's always the post-chemo McDonalds run to look forward to.

But there are also some definite downsides to chemo this time around. My twins both have their annual Spring school music programs this week--Tuesday and Wednesday. I will not be attending either. I have not missed a Hale Elementary School music program in eight years, so that kind of sucks. Ruanita is going to videotape it for me, but it's not the same. I will also miss my oldest son's annual Spring concert with the Metropolitan Boys' Choir scheduled for Mother's Day. The Sunday after chemo is still an iffy time for me--I am usually still pretty couch-bound on that day.

And the truly sucky part is that I feel SO GOOD today. The sun is shining. All the trees are blooming. My kids are being especially lovely and hilarious this morning. I have two Kentucky Derby pies in the oven making my house smell like a bourbon-soaked Promised Land. I just want to keep this feeling going. I want to be ME for just a little while longer.

You know what I mean?



2 comments:

Madge Woods said...

You will be a better you when the cancer is gone from your body. Enjoy your day.

Madge Woods said...

Trying to ratchet it up and get us to $5000. No amount too small bills telling in. https://www.gofundme.com/3nvubn52

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