Thursday, March 01, 2012

The Nauseating Truth

I’m leaving on a jet plane; don’t know when I’ll be back again.

I am leaving tomorrow morning to head to Kentucky. Actually, I am leaving my house to head to the airport at 3:30 in the morning. I am not entirely sure one can consider that morning. As far as I am concerned, 3:30 is the dead of the night. So, in reality, I am skulking out in the dead of the night tonight to leave on a jet plane. Doesn’t sound quite so lyrical when put that way, does it?

I am going to Kentucky to visit my Uncle Chris. It was initially going to be just my mother, my two sisters, and me going, and driving through the night to get there. After much wrangling, plans have changed. I am flying. My sister Amy is driving with her partner and two-year-old son. And my mother (who broke her leg since this trip was initially planned) and sister, Jennifer, are staying at home and hoping to head down on their own during the kids’ Spring Break in a few weeks.

It’s been quite a while since I have spent any time away from my family. I should be excited about a kid-free long weekend. A break from work. A few days to be alone with my thoughts and relax. To any other harried mom, it would probably feel like a welcome vacation. So what’s wrong with me? Yes, I am excited about seeing my family in Kentucky. But I am going to miss my family here in Minnesota.

Ruanita and I have been going through a rough patch in recent months. Probably nothing more than growing pains as our lives and roles in our family have changed. But it’s been tough. Our relationship has taken a few dings. We’ve not always been nice to one another. But that is changing now. We seem to be back on track and possibly stronger than ever. I am very much in love with her right now and I am pretty sure she feels the same way. In many ways, it is like that initial honeymoon courtship period. You know…before you were an “official” couple. Before you were a household. Before you were a parent. Before you realized that the other person—just like you—is not perfect. Before you got pissed about the way she puts the toilet paper on the roll backwards. Before the ice tray wars. Before you came to the unfortunate realization that you are a spender and she is a saver. Before joint checking accounts and shared mortgages and broken-down washers and 3rd grade homework. Before expectations and assumptions and obligations. Back when all you wanted in the entire world was a goodnight kiss.

THAT is where we are right now.

And frankly, I don’t care to leave that behind for four days. Perhaps that is being too enmeshed. Perhaps it is unhealthy. At best, it is probably exceedingly nauseating. Regardless, I am enjoying it. A month ago, I would have jumped at the chance to get away for a long weekend. Today, I am relishing my home life with Ruanita and the kids.

So...I will leave on a jet plane in the morning. I will enjoy seeing my family in Kentucky. I will play poker. I will donate most of my money to my sister-in-law whose poker skills greatly eclipse my own. I will eat a hamburger and a banana milkshake from The Big Dipper. I will tell my uncle how much I love and adore him. I will most certainly enjoy the time I spend with my family. But when the time comes to make my way back to Minnesota, I will be the happiest girl on the planet.

Nauseating, but true.


Jessica said...

The up side is, if that is where you are, it will only be more nauseating when you return. ;) Remember that distance makes the heart grow fonder.

Madgew said...

Shannon, I am glad you feel this way and the time away will cement the longing and love. So sorry about your Uncle. I hope everyone gets to see him soon as unfortunately lung cancer doesn't give one a lot of time at his stage. You will make his day. Weird but a few couples are know are all going through struggles right now. Maybe the moon and gayness:) Or you are like every other married couple. Like I said before Hetero's have screwed up and if you want to be married screwing up is part of the package as is disappointment. I am happy you and Ruanita worked it out. I love both of you and those fabulous stories. If life were boring what would you write about.:)

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