In a Holding Pattern

Sorry I have not been writing lately. My mind has been preoccupied. I've been watching and waiting and wondering. That takes up a lot of mental energy. My uncle is not doing well. After an amazingly blessed visit with him last weekend--he was laughing and joking, watching basketball, and telling me to get my fat head out of the way of the television--he took a turn for the worse. They have stopped all treatment, as there is nothing they can do. We've been informed that the time is quickly approaching when his body will betray him and shut down.

Last night, his son was married in his hospital room. The wedding was scheduled for December, but was moved up to yesterday so my uncle could be present. He and his wife also renewed their own wedding vows last night as he sat bundled up in a University of Louisville fleece blanket sucking oxygen from a plastic tube.

I can't imagine a world without my Uncle Chris. I remember thinking the exact same thing 28 years ago when my own dad died of cancer. How can the world possibly go on without these men in it? Shouldn't everything stop? Shut down? Shouldn't all movement cease? I've learned that the world finds a way. And it does go on.

For now, I am waiting. Staying close by my phone. Texting. Constantly checking Facebook for updates. Moving through my day in a wrenching holding pattern. Ready to cram my family in a car and drive twelve hours to Kentucky when the time comes to honor the life of a man I truly adore. My heart hurts.

I will miss you Uncle Chris.
Love you always and forever.