A Mouth-Breathing Moron

I have a head cold. One of those colds where you can't breathe through your nose, thereby making impossible to chew politely and breathe at the same time. I've become a mouth breather—neither attractive nor conducive to eating my weight in chocolate. And I feel as though I have swallowed a handful of razor blades. Thick mucous has formed a river running down the back of my throat. And I've just started coughing. All in all, not a fun state of being.

Today, my brain finally reached the point of complete informational overload. After a week and a half of information cramming at my new job, I reached a tipping point today. Perhaps it was the head cold. Or maybe the lack of sleep I have been experiencing due to the head cold. Or perhaps the ludicrous amounts of coffee I have been drinking to compensate for my lack of sleep due to the head cold. Whatever the reason, my brain shut down today. I could not remember a single thing I had learned in my multiple trainings at work. I suddenly had no idea how to do anything. I could barely form a coherent sentence. I simply stared into space blankly and smiled idiotically. I couldn't even write. I had to compose a letter today—a template letter, even—and I completely blanked. Normally, I am a total grammar Nazi. Misplaced commas and misused semicolons drive me absolutely mad. Today, I actually typed a letter with grammatical errors in it. Me?! The grammar Nazi?! Grammatical errors?! I felt like a total moron. A mouth-breathing, snot-spewing, coffee-guzzling, blankly-staring, stupidly-smiling moron. You know how some people do yoga or meditate in an attempt to clear their minds? To cease thinking? To become a blank slate? Well, I was exactly that today. My mind was completely blank. And frankly, it's not all it's cracked up to be. I greatly prefer having intelligent thoughts and intelligible conversations. Blank gazes and stupid smiles are a little disconcerting.

I think I need a good night's sleep. I am hopeful that tomorrow will be a better day. I am drugging myself with nighttime cold medicine and I hope to sleep the sleep of the highly medicated tonight. Tomorrow, either my mind will be clearer or I will have fallen into an antihistamine-induced coma. Either way, it'll be Friday. At least I will have that going for me.

TGIF.