Thursday, October 20, 2011

A Mouth-Breathing Moron

I have a head cold. One of those colds where you can't breathe through your nose, thereby making impossible to chew politely and breathe at the same time. I've become a mouth breather—neither attractive nor conducive to eating my weight in chocolate. And I feel as though I have swallowed a handful of razor blades. Thick mucous has formed a river running down the back of my throat. And I've just started coughing. All in all, not a fun state of being.

Today, my brain finally reached the point of complete informational overload. After a week and a half of information cramming at my new job, I reached a tipping point today. Perhaps it was the head cold. Or maybe the lack of sleep I have been experiencing due to the head cold. Or perhaps the ludicrous amounts of coffee I have been drinking to compensate for my lack of sleep due to the head cold. Whatever the reason, my brain shut down today. I could not remember a single thing I had learned in my multiple trainings at work. I suddenly had no idea how to do anything. I could barely form a coherent sentence. I simply stared into space blankly and smiled idiotically. I couldn't even write. I had to compose a letter today—a template letter, even—and I completely blanked. Normally, I am a total grammar Nazi. Misplaced commas and misused semicolons drive me absolutely mad. Today, I actually typed a letter with grammatical errors in it. Me?! The grammar Nazi?! Grammatical errors?! I felt like a total moron. A mouth-breathing, snot-spewing, coffee-guzzling, blankly-staring, stupidly-smiling moron. You know how some people do yoga or meditate in an attempt to clear their minds? To cease thinking? To become a blank slate? Well, I was exactly that today. My mind was completely blank. And frankly, it's not all it's cracked up to be. I greatly prefer having intelligent thoughts and intelligible conversations. Blank gazes and stupid smiles are a little disconcerting.

I think I need a good night's sleep. I am hopeful that tomorrow will be a better day. I am drugging myself with nighttime cold medicine and I hope to sleep the sleep of the highly medicated tonight. Tomorrow, either my mind will be clearer or I will have fallen into an antihistamine-induced coma. Either way, it'll be Friday. At least I will have that going for me.



Madgew said...

Try Afrin 24 hours spray. Way great for nose clearing. It is amazing how well it works. Also sit in the hottest bath you can take and keep putting a wash cloth over your nose. Add some eucalyptus oil and sprinkle on wash cloth. I get these terrible sinus and this works plus steroids I have to take if all else fails so I can breathe. Feel better.

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