A Glimpse of Things to Come

What do you do with children who refuse to eat? Historically, my complaints in this regard have always been about Lucas. I was a picky eater as a child, but Lucas takes "picky" to a whole new realm. In addition to refusing most fruits and almost all vegetables, he doesn't like many of the foods that are quintessentially "kid" foods. For example, he will not eat peanut butter. Or jelly, for that matter. He will not eat macaroni and cheese. Or spaghetti. Or pasta of any shape or variety. He will not eat pizza. The tomato sauce somehow offends his sensibilities. Have you ever met a child who will not eat pizza? He will not eat hamburgers...or cheeseburgers...or beef of any variety. He will eat chicken, but only breaded and in nugget form. Nothing that looks like it ever really came in contact with a chicken. Beyond chicken nuggets and the occasional slice of bacon, he lives a meat-free life.

All of this pickiness explains why Lucas has become progressively skinnier and skinnier with each passing birthday. While his head remains the same size, the rest of him has been shrinking to near nothingness. With that large noggin, he is beginning to resemble a helium balloon. I have visions of Lucas a teenager. A tall, skinny, 80-pound waif with a mammoth head. He already has several strikes against him. The glasses. The foot orthotics. The translucent whiteness. The overly enthusiastic devotion to video games. The weirdly obsessive love of Nova on PBS. His propensity for watching Antiques Roadshow with me. If I am to have any shot at this child eventually finding a mate and producing grandchildren for me, he needs to--at minimum--put on a few pounds.

Given my years of complaining about Lucas' eating habits, one would think I would have given up by now. Thrown in the proverbial towel. However, I have remained steadfastly dedicated to getting that child to eat. In the last couple of weeks, that dedication has finally paid off. Suddenly, and quite unexpectedly, Lucas has developed an appetite.

He remains an extremely picky eater. However, he has suddenly started eating huge amounts of the foods that he does like. Lately, he will clean his plate no matter how much food I pile onto it. He will then ask if he can have his brother's food. After cleaning his runt of a brother's plate, he will grab a granola bar, scarf that down, and then complain that he is still hungry. What the...? I have always had to beg Lucas to eat even a couple of bites of the food on his plate. I am amazed...and a little frightened...by this new "Lucas who eats." It's quite bizarre. Perhaps eight years old is the magical age? Perhaps he is going through a growth spurt? Perhaps he is giving me a glimpse of what awaits me in his teenage years?

I am beginning to worry now. If this is a hint of what is to come when my children are teenagers, I am a bit concerned. How is the heck am I going to keep enough food in this house when all three of my kids are teenagers?! Perhaps I should start stocking up on non-perishables right now? Build a cellar? Start collecting canned food? I better end this here. I've got some work to do.....