Wednesday, November 10, 2010


I have a stunning admission to make. You may just want to sit down for this one. Here it is....the ugly truth. I am not as brilliantly intelligent as I appear to be in this blog. I realize this may very well ruin your entire world perception. I apologize for dealing you such a crushing blow. Do you need a tissue?

Prior to yesterday, I was feeling pretty smug about my intellectual capabilities. Then I sat down to do Lucas' homework with him last night and all preconceived notions went right out the window. That's right...I had my ass handed to me on a platter by second grade homework. SECOND GRADE! In my defense, it was a "telling time" logic problem. In my current funk, as described in my previous post, time and logic are not exactly my strongest suits.

The assignment began fairly simply. The worksheet was about several people taking trains to work. I am a Sudoku fiend and do logic problems for fun, so this would be a piece of cake, right? Oh how easily the cocky fall! The first problem said, "Rory leaves at 8:10." Lucas had to draw the hands on a clock to indicate 8:10. Simple enough. The second problem said, "Theresa leaves ten minutes after Billy." Lucas was supposed to draw the hands on the clock to show what time Theresa's train left. Ummm....ok....who the hell is Billy? And how are we supposed to know when Billy left? The third problem went on to say, "Peter leaves five minutes before Theresa." Again....huh? Apparently Rory doesn't matter. And we were supposed to deduce from the air when Theresa, Billy and Peter left?

Lucas stared blankly at the page. I grabbed the page from his hand. Ok...this was second grade homework. I must have been missing something simple. I read and re-read the first three problems. Rory leaves at 8:10. Okay. Theresa leaves ten minutes after Billy. Perhaps it was a misprint? I suspected that it was supposed to say that Theresa was leaving after Rory. That would make sense and an answer could be found. However, I was stumped. It appeared to be a completely nonsensical word problems with no solution. I looked over at Lucas. My genius son was picking at his toenails with his pencil lead, oblivious to my mental wranglings. I started to ask Lucas what he thought,but stopped myself. If I couldn't figure it out, I am pretty certain my little toe-picker wouldn't have a shot in the world at it.

I stared at that page for a good solid ten minutes, growing increasingly frustrated. I admit to letting a curse word or two slip out. I mean....come on. This is second grade homework?? Finally, it occurred to me to read the fourth and final problem on the page. It said, "Billy leaves ten minutes after Rory." Well...there you go! It was a full-on logic problem. The problem could not be completed in chronological order. You had to look at the fourth problem to answer the second and third problems. There is NO WAY Lucas could have completed this worksheet. I barely managed...and only after ample amounts of cursing and irritation. It would never have occurred to Lucas to read ahead to find the answer. As a matter of fact, when I triumphantly found the correct solution and explained it to Lucas, he simply stared at me with a dense look on his face. Even when given the answer, he couldn't figure it out.

There is no way, I am telling myself, that a second grader could have completed that worksheet. That had to be at least a....what...fifth grade level assignment? Somehow that really doesn't make me feel any better though. I got my butt kicked by a second grade logic problem. There is no way around it.

My name is Shannon and I am a dimwit.


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