Tuesday, November 09, 2010

Despicable Me

I haven't posted in a couple of days because, quite honestly, I can't think of anything to write about. I am trying to find inspiration. I really am. As a matter of fact, I drove to work in silence this morning. I did not turn on the radio in my car, thinking perhaps I could find inspiration in the quiet. Unfortunately, that ingenious plan backfired on me. Without my usual distracting white noise to fill my morning commute, I sat in traffic ruminating instead on all of the things about my life that are bugging me. Rather than being inspired to write about beautiful, thoughtful, borderline poetic topics, my head is filled with discontent. I am cranky. And who better to share my discontent and general crankiness with than you, my loyal readers. I apologize in advance.

Let me begin by saying that I need a vacation. It's been years since I have had a real vacation. Every year, Ruanita, the kids, and I head to Kentucky for our family vacation. I really love going home to Kentucky. I adore seeing my brother and his wife and all of my aunts, uncles, and cousins who I simply do not see often enough. We always have a rowdy good time when we get together. That being said, however, going to Kentucky does not always feel like a "real" vacation. For starters, while I cherish seeing my family, Ruanita....ummm...not so much. As a matter of fact, it causes her immense amounts of undue stress to see her mother, with whom she has a complex and justifiably strained relationship, deteriorating in a nursing home. Dealing with her difficult mother always puts a damper on Ruanita's vacation-y spirits. Then we have the unusual and challenging task of trying to avoid her narrow-minded, homophobic brother, with whom she hasn't really spoken in a decade or so. Considering that he did not even acknowledge the birth of any of our three children, we are not exactly his biggest fans. He owns a yard maintenance company and seems to pop up in every single yard we pass no matter where we are around town. Very bizarre. And somewhat creepy. Plus, there is the arduous task of trying to see everyone we want to see and do everything we want to do and eat in all of our favorite restaurants in the short time we get to be there. So...while I enjoy seeing my family immensely, a trip to Kentucky isn't always a relaxing vacation. It's fun, but taxing. I need a real vacation. Perhaps all of my discontent and malice would melt away if I could find my way to a secluded beach somewhere. Perhaps a Mai Tai in my hand would reverse all the ills of the world. At this point, I wouldn't even care if the kids came along. As a matter of fact, it might be fun to have them there. Ruanita, the kids, and I hanging out on a beach somewhere sounds heavenly. Someplace with no agenda. No clocks. No schedule. No one to see. No one to entertain. Sounds utterly divine.

Now back to reality...that just ain't going to happen. At least not anytime in the near future. So what is it that has me in such a foul mood lately? I really can't quite pinpoint the exact issue. I am tired. That's a given. I am frustrated with my job. The heating and cooling business is seasonal, which means we typically have our crazy, busy times and our slllloooooowwww times. They balance each other out. However, with the federal tax credit for installing high efficiency equipment expiring at the end of this year, we have been crazy busy when we should have been slow. So months of busy with no relief is taking its toll. My boss is bugging me. My coworkers' incessant chatter and petty bickering is annoying me to no end. I find that I am secluding myself in my cubicle counting down the hours until I get to go home. I have to force myself to get up and go into work every morning when I want nothing more than to scream "I quit!" and crawl into a hole somewhere. I'm not exactly overflowing with job satisfaction these days.

It also doesn't help that it is getting dark so early now. Pitch black at 5:00pm is messing with my mind. I feel like I need to go to bed at 6:00. The darkness fills me with an overwhelming desire to hibernate.....and eat. And eating is exactly what I have doing. I am gaining weight at an alarming rate. If I didn't know better, I would blame my weight gain on some strange disease causing my body to swell and retain immense amount of water. In reality, however, I know that it is retaining immense amount of bagels. And Kung Pao chicken. And pizza. And bread. Mmmm.....bread and butter.

I also find that I am spending too much time on my laptop at home (which could be contrubuting to my widening rear end). And I am also letting my kids watch too much TV. I need to institute a great family unplugging. Perhaps I would feel much more accomplished if I put the laptop down and stepped away. And my kids would certainly be better off with a little less screen-time, as well. However, I am afraid of a mutiny. I don't know, in my current sleep-deprived state, that I would have the energy to fight if my children rioted. I realize that it is my job as a parent to quell uprisings, but in my current funkified state...I'm just not feeling it.

The holidays are quickly approaching, which are my very favorite time of the year. I typically LOVE every single day from Halloween to New Year's Day. I adore the festivities, the decorations, the sense of well-being and coming-togetherness. This year, however, I am having trouble getting into the spirit. Yes...I know. It is early yet. However, I am afraid that this funk, if left to fester, may very well overwhelm my usual sunny holiday disposition. Therefore, it is vital that I find my way out of it. Now. Anyone know a good cure for the blahs? A sure-fire funk-buster? With possibly the exception of illicit drugs, I am open to any and all suggestions.


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