Random Musings

I have run into a bit of a writer's block. Again. All creativity seems to have left my body. My mother gave me the utterly insane idea recently that I should turn my blog into a book. She seems to think people would be interested in reading about my deranged children and their maniacal antics. Of course, everyone likes a good ego stroke occasionally. So I latched onto the idea that people would enjoy reading about my life with no concept whatsoever of the time commitment it requires to write a book. I have been spending my evenings after the kids go to bed strapped to my laptop editing and revising many of previous blog posts to make them more book-worthy. In my editing frenzy, I find that I have little desire to write anything new at the end of the day. Actually, it's not that I do not have the desire. I always have the desire to write. I find, however, that I simply can not think of anything to write about.

So today, since I do not have the mental capacity to write an entire blog entry about any singular topic, I am going to give you a hodge-podge of random thoughts. Disconnected and unrelated musings from my day-to-day life. Here goes....

My basement playroom looks like something straight out of the television show Hoarders. This morning, as I went downstairs to the laundry room in search of a clean pair of jeans, I actually had to kick toys and other various sundries out of the way to make a path to the laundry room door. Perhaps it is time to lock our doors and become reclusive hermits. We can park our cars in the yard. Start collecting scrap metal. Stop washing our dishes. Peek out the windows and curse at the meddling neighbors. Maybe we'll get to be on TV?

This afternoon, I have to take my children to Once Upon a Child, a children's consignment shop, to try to find tap shoes for my daughter. Her teacher informed us that there is no reason to pay full price for new tap shoes when they are readily available used. I am pretty certain, however, that I would rather have my toenails plucked from my toes one by one than take my boys shopping. Sophie has inherited her momma's love of shopping. The boys, however, have a disdain for shopping that runs wide and deep. I am certain I will be pulling them out of rack upon rack of used clothing by the scruffs of their necks. I will have to threaten them with bodily harm to behave while Sophie tries on tap shoes. I am certain I will be pulling tap shoes off of their feet by force once they realize the "cool" sounds they can make kicking the wall with the shiny metal taps. I suspect that I may just have to wrestle them to the floor before our outing is complete. Hopefully, there will be few shocked and horrified onlookers when I pummel my children in public. I like to keep the witnesses to a bare minimum.

Tomorrow is my nephew Sully's first birthday party. It seems as though we were just at the hospital getting our first glimpse of him yesterday. I think time is speeding up. Perhaps scientists would disagree, but I believe that time is moving faster as I am aging. I feel as though I am dangling precariously off the caboose of a train moving at warp speed toward dentures and adult diapers. Can someone please step on the brakes?

Since having children, I have become increasingly dependent on coffee to fuel my days. Paying $4.19 for a cup of coffee when a fresh pot is readily available for free in my office has to be the textbook definition of lunacy. I am beginning to realize that I have more in common with crack addicts that I ever thought possible.

Tomorrow is Sophie's second ballet/tap lesson. She swears to me that she is going to participate. I have made it crystal clear that mommy is not going to dance this time. There will no crackling and popping plies this time around. I have given her the chance to opt out of ballet altogether. It is a cheap little community education class. I would be completely okay with simply donating my $24 to Minneapolis Public Schools. Sophie, however, will not stop gushing about her
devotion to dance. Again...what the hell?

I have had a box of bulbs sitting on my kitchen counter for a week. I ordered them through a wonderful mail-order bulb company that I use every year. I have over one hundred lillies and tulips that I need to get into the ground soon. They will not survive much longer sitting on my counter top. My dilemma is finding the time to plant them. Tomorrow, I have to work until noon. Then Sophie has ballet at 1:00. Immediately after ballet, we have my nephew's birthday party. By the time all is said and done, it will probably be getting pretty close to dark. Sunday, I have to do our grocery shopping. Hopefully, I can get them in the ground Sunday afternoon. Maybe? I love gardening. I know very little about it really, but I like to fake it. Fake it til you make it, right? Unfortunately, gardening is yet another hobby I do not have the time to a cultivate a real expertise in. I am a Jane of all trades, but master of none.

I am so very excited today is Friday that I am seriously considering doing a cartwheel right here in the middle of my office floor. Of course, considering that I have not even attempted a cartwheel since I was ten years old, that may be ill-advised. The last time I did a cartwheel, I had considerably less belly and significantly smaller boobs. Actually, no boobs. As a matter of fact, when I was ten years old, I bore a striking resemblance to a #2 pencil. Today, however, that is not the case. I am afraid the combined belly slap and boob wallop could very well knock me unconscious if I tried to do a cartwheel today. Perhaps I will simply celebrate the impending weekend quietly in my chair.

I think the kids and I might order pizza for dinner tonight. By Friday afternoon, I am so done with being a domestic diva that I do not have the energy to cook. Okay...okay...it is true that my idea of "cooking" is making frozen waffles or hot dogs. However, even that takes too great a toll some days. I think a pizza and movie night is in order. Now if only we can agree on a movie. It must include at least one princess or, at minimum, a fairy or a cute little kitty cat for Sophie. It must contain a dragon or troll or dinosaur or one of a dozen other hideously scary creatures to satisfy Lucas' tastes. The creature cannot, however, be too frightening, or Nicholas will watch the movie safely ensconced in his hiding place behind the living room end table. It is usually best if the movie contains at least one wise-cracking talking animal or a handful of fart jokes to appeal to Nicholas' goofy sense of humor. A little kung fu or swordfighting never hurts, as well. In addition, the movie can skip the usual love story, as romantic love is "gross" as far as my kids are concerned. Besides, a person runs the risk of contracting an excruciatingly gruesome case of cooties by kissing a member of the opposite sex, right? What child wants to see that hideous drama played out in their own living room? Finally, and most importantly, the movie we choose cannot be one of the dozen or so Disney and/or Pixar movies we own and have seen hundreds of times already and are now considered "boooooo-ring." Any suggestions?