I am officially frightened.....

I am tired today. As a matter of fact, I am beyond tired. Last night, I babysat for my 6-year-old cousin Matthew while his mom and dad went to the emergency room. His dad had fallen and hurt his knee. Matthew was perfectly well-behaved and I really did not mind watching him at all. However, being that they went to the emergency room…the all-time greatest time-sucker on this planet…they did not get back to pick up Matthew until close to midnight. It was well after midnight when I finally fell asleep….a few short hours before my alarm began blaring at 5:30am. Midnight may not sound late to many of you reading this, but I am an early-to-bed sort of girl. Typically, on nights when my children cooperate with me, I am in bed by 9:00pm. I may not be asleep just yet, but I am at least snuggled all warm and cozy in my bed. Therefore, well past midnight was well past my bed time.

Today I am exhausted. I am amazed at the dramatic extent to which a few hours less sleep has affected me. I am cranky and irritable and seem to be unable to think straight. This morning, our phones were quite busy at work. As soon as I would hang up and another call would immediately come in to me, I would grumble under my breath, Jesus F-ing Christ. Of course, I said the word rather than the abbreviated version I am typing. This is a family-friendly blog, people! Several times I followed that up with, Why can’t someone else answer the Jesus F-ing Christ phones?! Not only was that a grammatically pathetic question….and yes, I realize I was taking the Lord’s name in vain….it was also downright ridiculous. Who else would answer the phones? That’s what they pay me to do. It's my job. As I mumbled these rather eloquent phrases, I was dumbfounded by the anger surging through my body. I think I could have easily throttled a customer, had they been standing in front of me rather than on the other end of a phone line. I was filled with such rage. And I have no idea why I was so irate. Let me assure you all that I am typically not an angry person. I am not in the habit of flinging around “F-bombs.” I am much more of a “shit” and “dammit” sort of girl, as evidenced by “dammit” being one of my son’s very first words. Typically, throwing out a terse “dammit” will cure all that ails me and I will be feeling better in no time. Today, however, was something altogether different. No amount of cursing would ease the pure rage coursing through my veins. I now understand the phrase “my blood was boiling.” That’s exactly what I felt like. I was literally shaking with anger.

I have since managed to calm myself down, but I still feel irritable and cranky. In addition to these pleasant emotions, I am now officially frightened. Terrified, even. I am 37 years old. Suddenly, I can’t handle the heat anymore…as I described in yesterday’s post. And now I apparently can’t handle the smallest bit of sleep deprivation. I am not menopausal. I am not even peri-menopausal. And already my body is changing in ways that I can’t seem to control. Is this what I have to look forward too? Inordinate amounts of sweat and uncontrollable anger?? Yippee! Sign me up! I can’t wait for my 40s to get here!