Thursday, June 17, 2010

There is ONE good thing about being a Hardesty...

I think my children may have spent a tad bit too much time in Kentucky getting in touch with their hillbilly roots. At dinner tonight, Sophie and Lucas ceremoniously announced that they are going to marry one another when they grow up. As if that were not heart-stopping news enough, in a spectacular twist I never saw coming, Nicholas also announced that he was going to grow up and marry Lucas. I admit that I have one of the gayest families on the face of the Earth. At our family reunion, there were no less than four lesbians, three gay men, one transgendered person, and a couple of vehemently "straight" closet cases. However, even in the Hardesty clan, we draw a line at brothers marrying one another. As a matter of fact, the common wisdom amongst the Hardesty clan is that there is ONE and only ONE benefit to being a Hardesty. a proud Hardesty, will never inherit a fortune. You will never have a trust fund. You will likely be saddled with your parents' debt long after they are gone. There is a very good chance you will one day have to bail a relative out of jail. You will likely have to enter alcohol treatment at some point in your life. You will lose your life savings playing poker with a group a people who can only be described as idiots. You will likely find that you are more fertile than you are wealthy...thus, you will struggle to raise the next (rather large) generation of Hardestys to carry the family torch of lower middle class, drunken, debt-addled, poker-playing idiocy (I say that with the utmost love and undying affection for my family). To return to my initial point...there is ONE and only ONE benefit to being a Hardesty. As a Hardesty, you don't ever have to worry about marrying a Hardesty. The only thing worse than being a Hardesty (as I am sure Ruanita and a host of others can attest to) is being married to a Hardesty. So Sophie and Nicky.....sorry. Your brother is off limits!


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