Sleep Deprivation

Ruanita called me a while ago to inform me, with obvious surprise in her voice, that Sophie had asked to take a nap this morning. Huh? Ruanita tucked her into her bed, Sophie immediately fell asleep, and she is still sleeping as I write this. Peculiar, to say the least. I read recently that children aged 3-4 should get 12 hours of sleep a day (including naps) to function at their peak potential physically, mentally, and emotionally. My twins gave up naps when they were two years old. They get nowhere near 12 hours of sleep a day. I would have to put them to bed between 5:30 and 6:00 in the evening in order for them to get 12 hours of sleep. "Sorry kids...I realize that you have not eaten dinner yet, but it's night-night time." So my question is this....how is one supposed to make certain that her children are getting the required hours of rest when said children refuse to sleep past 6:00am most days?? No wonder Sophie can't name the letters of the alphabet! No wonder Nicholas dissolves into a blubbering mess when you so much as look at him crossly! No wonder Lucas needs summer school! How can I expect them to grow mentally and emotionally when they are getting nine hours of sleep a night, as opposed to the recommended 12 hours?!

I also read recently that the average adult should get nine hours of sleep a night to function at peak performance. Now that one is just plain laughable! Nine hours? Seriously? I think I am doing really well if I can get seven hours in a night. Of course, that is never seven hours straight. I can count on being roused from sleep at least once or twice per night by children climbing into my bed...or the cat nipping at my toes...or someone (and I won't name names) snoring like a freight train. I honestly cannot remember the last time that I got nine hours of sleep in a row. Maybe when I was 16? Or perhaps in college after a night of drunken debauchery? Not since becoming an adult though...and certainly not since becoming a mother. There are certain things that go hand in hand with motherhood. Sleep deprivation is the most destructive of them all. I seriously think I could easily handle the tantrums and poopy diapers and homework and the constant inane chatter...if I were only well-rested. If I got nine hours of sleep a night, I think I could seriously be Mrs. Cleaver....pearls and all. I would bake homemade pies and make lemonade from scratch. I would knit warm woolen mittens for my kids. My bathroom would sparkle and my carpet would be vacuumed every single day. My house would smell of homemade potpourri....vanilla and lavender, I believe. My kids would always have clean underwear in their drawers and there would be no need to search the laundry room for clean clothes to wear to school because my laundry would be caught up! There would be tulips in my yard that were NOT being strangled by weeds. My kids would have been potty-trained at two years old. They would be speaking fluent Spanish by now. Every meal would be homemade, using only organic ingredients. I would not purchase "convenience" foods. There would be no boxed dinners in my house. My kids would only know healthy, whole foods. The hills would be alive with the sound of music....because all three of my kids would play a musical instrument that I would practice with them every single day. I would never raise my voice at my children. Rather, we would rationally discuss all conflicts that come our way. Life would be good...everyone would be happy all of the time...our lives would be a Disney fairy tale (minus the dead mother theme that seems to pop up in every Disney movie). Ah...life at its finest.

Unfortunately, this fairy tale is not my life. Since I do not get nine hours of sleep a night, my house is far from perfect. My laundry will never be caught up. I will forever be on a quest for clean underwear. My garden will be weedy. My children will barely have a command of the English language...much less be bilingual. The only thing sparkling in my bathroom will be the "flavor crystals" in the hardened toothpaste that has glued itself to the bathroom sink. My poor neighbors will continue to hear me screaming at my kids when my windows are open. They will probably pray for winter and closed windows. None of my children will play a musical instrument because that requires practice and I can barely muster the mental energy to get Lucas' homework done...much less "optional" activities. My kids will eat processed food...hot dogs, mac and cheese...questionable chicken?? nuggets. That reminds me...I have NO CLUE what to have for dinner this evening.

Ahhh...such is the life of a sleep-deprived mom.