Wednesday, April 21, 2010

A new day...

Today is officially day one of my new quest to live a healthier lifestyle. Yes...I know...I know. This is not exactly new territory with me. However, after years of flip-flopping and making resolutions only to break them, I am ready for a change. I've had it with being unhealthy and overweight and out of shape and mentally subdued and otherwise NOT the woman I want to be. As I've said before, I love my life. I love the people in my life and would not trade them for anything in this world. However, I could use an overhaul of my own self-image. I am 37 years old. It is time to become the woman I want to be. If not now....when?

I have been in a real rut lately. I've been eating food that I haven't eaten since I was a teenager. Ore-Ida french fries for dinner? Not exactly healthy, energy-producing fare. I haven't had a vegetable in probably a week...I assume french fries do not count. How sad is that? I love why am I not eating them? I have every intention of eating well....eating the food that I know will sustain me, give me energy, and make me feel alive. But then someone throws a tantrum...or someone says something at work to irritate me...or I realize that my pants are getting tight, so what the hell, right?! My good intentions fly right out the window and I find myself reaching for potato chips or cookies or the rejected bottom-of-the-barrel leftover Easter candy no one else wants. I have no idea why I do these things...why am I incapable of handling the slightest amount of stress without reaching for toxic food to comfort me? And does it really comfort me? No.

And it's not just about food either. I need to take better care of myself is all regards. There are things I should be doing that I am not. There are basic self-care regimens that I have let fall to the wayside. I need to exercise. When I do, I have more energy and I feel a definite mental lift. So why don't I do it? No time...too tired...too wanting too much of my time and attention? These are all excuses...and piss-poor ones at that! I haven't been to a dentist in years. Come on...take care of your teeth, girl! They're the only ones you've got. I don't wear sunscreen often I asking for skin cancer? I should be putting it on my face, at least, every morning. I "forget" to take my birth control pill at least 3-4 days out of each week (I take them for irregular cycles...not birth control. Obviously, that is not a concern for me). I seem to have a mental block against taking them, and I have no idea why I can't seem to remember something so simple. And for those of you who aren't aware, when you take birth control pills only 3-4 days a week, you end up having a period about every two weeks. Nice...why in the world am I doing THAT to myself? I drink too much coffee and Diet Pepsi and not enough water. Seriously...water is a life-sustaining necessity, right? And I am lucky enough to live in a place where water is plentiful and readily available (I won't mention how Minneapolis water looks and smells like the Mississippi River in the springtime...that's another issue altogether). Why then, do I not drink it enough?

There are other incredibly simple things I used to do that made me feel good about myself that I have stopped doing. Sometime after my kids were born, I stopped wearing earrings. It wasn't a conscious choice. It was just one of those things that somehow just managed to get overlooked each morning in the chaos of getting everyone ready for school and work. I used to love my earrings. I need to start wearing them again. As a matter of fact...I have stopped wearing all jewelry except for my wedding band. I need to get out my necklaces and bracelets again. Accessories make a girl feel "put together." I know...cheesy...but it's true. "Put together" is certainly something I haven't felt in a long time.

I stopped reading after my twins were born. There simply wasn't time. Plus...the minute I lay my head on my pillow at night, I am dead asleep. At least I don't suffer from insomnia, I guess. Reading used to be something I loved passionately. I need to find a way to incorporate it into my life. And at what point did I stop learning? I feel like I haven't learned anything new in years. I crave I am sure we all do even if we don't voice it quite that way. I don't have the time to go back to school right now. And I am not really sure that I have the desire. But that doesn't mean that I can't learn, right? I can read about topics of interest to me...expand my mind. Explore new ideas. Why don't I do that?

It is time for a change. It is time to start feeling good about myself again. Spring is the time of rebirth...the world is coming alive again after the long, dark winter months. I want to come alive again, too. I've changed the look of my blog in honor of my new start. I loved the old look and I've saved it, but it's time for a change. The rainbow and the rays of the sunshine on my new blog make me think of renewal...second chances...starting over. That's exactly what I want to do as of today. Start over. Live the healthy lifestyle I have always wanted. I want to incorporate my family into that lifestyle. I want to be a good role model for my children. I want my daughter to know that women can do absolutely anything they want. I am ready to become the woman I want to be. One step at a day at a time.


Anonymous said...

I'm with you Shannon!! New beginings for everyone!!


Mackenzie said...

Shannon -

Megan and I have been using this site called Love it! It's like facebook but for people who want to become healthier. It really helps with getting motivation from the outside. It's free and it helps you keep track of what you eat, and exercise. It even gives you meal plans if you want to use them. You should check it out.


Anonymous said...

Shannon... it's me, Happy Mama from DWLZ. I relate to the lack of reading, earrings, learning... kids take up all that time! You don't wear the earrings so they won't swallow one or rip them out of your ears when they're little, right!? What about music? Did you ditch that, too? I sure did. iPod brought it all back to me and then some I am happy to say. I sure missed it.

Couple stray thoughts... I JUST bought a moisturizer with built-in sunscreen. I have to wash my face every night because of it but it's a great feeling to use it. I, too, have been neglecting that all these years. Another thing... the birth control pills. I think I'd rather have wonky cycles than the sex-drive-deadening pill in my system. And the double periods... wow... they must be wreaking havoc on your mood and energy. Just thoughts.

Again... it's uncanny how much I relate to you. I think that is just truly a sign of the little kid years being a universal experience... hard as HELL and good luck finding time for yourself. Partly we need to patient and ride it out. Partly we need to do little things for ourselves.

Thanks for letting me in on your journey and helping me feel normal... or at least not alone! :)

E'beth said...

I understand...... :-)

Post a Comment