Free Pass List

On the way to work this morning, I was listening to the morning show people on the radio chattering away about cheating and sex addiction. I had not yet had my morning coffee, so was only halfway listening. The other half of my brain was still snoozing. In the midst of the conversation, someone mentioned something about the celebrity "free pass" list. You know...that list of five celebrities that your spouse/significant other would give you permission to cheat with if they were to show up at your door. This marks the third time this week alone that I have heard a reference to the free pass list. Perhaps someone is telling me that it is time to make a list?

Is it odd that Ruanita and I have never in our 12-year relationship ever discussed a free pass list? What does this say about us? Either we are too mundanely realistic and realize there is exactly zero chance that a celebrity will come knocking on our door wanting either one of us...therefore, why even go about the chore of fantasizing about it and making a list? OR...we are so incredibly enmeshed with one another that we've never even considered being with anyone else. Either way, I think it would be a healthy exercise in fantasy and/or "unmeshing" to make a free pass list. So I've been thinking this week about who would be on my list.

This is not an easy task. There are a lot of beautiful, intriguing, intelligent women out there. However, if I am going to cheat on Ruanita, the woman would have to possess something more than just a pretty face. I've given it a lot of thought...or as much thought as my sleep-addled mind could work up this morning...and here is my list of five. Apparently, I have a thing for British women....who knew?

1. Sandra Bullock--This one is a given. No need for explanations.

2. Kate Winslet--She is beautiful, no doubt. There is something about her beyond beauty though...a confidence...that I like. I love that she is OK with her body, even when she's been a few pounds heavier.

3. Catherine Zeta-Jones--I fell in love with her in her Oscar-winning role in Chicago. She is a beautiful woman, but also graceful and seemingly intelligent and confident. (Apparently confidence is a thing with me). And she golfs...I always wanted to learn to play golf.

4. Emily Blunt--Not sure why...but she seems fun. She seems independent and spirited and a tad quirky. I love every movie I have ever seen her in.

5. Jennifer Nettles (of Sugarland)--OK...I wouldn't exactly call her classically beautiful, but I love her! I think she would be the life of any party.

Honorable Mention:
-Jodi Foster (circa Silence of the Lambs)--OK...the chance of Jodi Foster showing up on my doorstep is about as good as the odds of me time travelling, so why not go back to Silence of the Lambs if I am going to list her?)

-Queen Latifah--I think she is gorgeous! And seemingly down-to-earth and just a nice person.

-Christiane Amanpour of CNN-Yes, I am weird. I get it.

OK...that's it. My list of five, plus three alternates. Of course, Ruanita has not OK'd this list...yet. So ladies, don't beat down my door just yet! I will discuss it with Ruanita, ask that she approve my list, and get back to you guys. I'll have my people talk to your people. We'll do lunch.