Pee Rocks

My sister had surgery this week to remove a kidney stone that had become lodged and would not pass. I’ve been there and can attest that a kidney stone is one of the most painful things a person can experience, in my opinion. Only minutely less painful is trying to explain to a seven-year-old exactly what a kidney stone is. The conversation went a little like this…

Lucas: Why is Jennifer in the hospital?

Me: She had a kidney stone that got stuck.

Lucas: What’s a kidney stone?

Me: It’s kind of like a tiny rock that can get stuck in your body.

Lucas: Like in your arm?

Me: No, not exactly. It gets stuck in the tube your pee comes out through.

Lucas: (with alarm in his voice) Like in your penis?

Me: Maybe, if you’re a boy. Usually up inside your body though.

Lucas: How did it get in there? Did Jennifer swallow a rock?

Me: No, Jennifer hasn’t been eating rocks. Sometimes some people will just produce them.

Lucas: Huh?

Me: Your body makes them.

Lucas: What are they made of?

Me: I’m not sure…some sort of deposits. Maybe calcium?

Lucas: (Blank stare). What’s a deposit?

Me: Ummm…it’s hard to explain. (Really, I had no idea and this was a stalling-while-trying-not-to-sound-totally-stupid answer)

(Long pause)

Lucas: Do I have rocks?

Me: No, you’re fine. Not everyone gets kidney stones. Only some people.

Lucas: Maybe I do have rocks. Sometimes, when I go to the bathroom, my pee is warm when it comes out. Maybe that means I have rocks in my penis?

Me: No Lucas, your pee is always warm….because your body is warm and it comes from your body. I promise that you do not have rocks in your penis.

Lucas: My body is warm?

Me: Yea…people are warm-blooded creatures.

Lucas: Not like reptiles. Reptiles are cold-blooded.

Me: Right.

Lucas: Can reptiles get rocks?

Me: I don’t know.

Lucas: When I grow up, I think I am going to be a scientist and study reptiles and find out if they can get rocks.

Me: I thought you wanted to be a paleontologist.

Lucas: I am trying to decide. I might be a paleontologist and I might be a scientist who studies reptiles.

Me: Aren’t they kind of the same thing since paleontologists study dinosaurs and dinosaurs are reptiles? Couldn’t you do both?

Lucas: Yea…I guess (totally unimpressed with my suggestion). Or I might be a lifeguard instead.