Tuesday, November 01, 2016

My New Boobs!

"I got new boobs. Wanna see them?"

These are not sentences I ever expected to be texting, especially to my mother. But I did text them to my mom this morning. Ruanita was at work and I needed to show someone my new boobs. They've been a long time coming.

As most everyone who reads this blog knows, I had a bilateral mastectomy on September 22nd. I chose not to do reconstruction for reasons explained previously in this blog. I opted instead for external fake boobs. So this morning I trekked all the way to Superior Medical in Woodbury to be fitted for new bras and breast forms. Needless to say, I was a bit nervous going in. I mean...fake boobs? How does THAT work?

It's a strange experience having another woman assist you with trying on bras. I mean, historically speaking, I have not typically needed assistance putting on a bra. And I've never been for a customized bra fitting, so it was weird standing there naked from the waist up chatting about my boobs (or lack thereof) with a total stranger. And in public! We were in a private room, of course - a very nice room, actually - but it wasn't home, so it felt quite public standing there topless.

The woman who did my fitting was extremely nice. We began with, "So, what size do you want to be?" That was an easy enough question. I had already decided on a C cup. My old boobs were a D cup and I always thought they were entirely too big for my taste. Smaller seemed better, but I am pretty certain a B cup would have done nothing to hide the giant belly that seemed to appear out of the nowhere after my mastectomy surgery. (Ruanita delicately informed me that it had been there all along and I just couldn't see it over my boobs. Sounds sketchy to me.) So a C cup seemed the only way to go.

Within the C cup range, there were multiple bra options. Being 44 years old and married for almost 20 years, I tend to favor utility over aesthetics when it comes to a bra. When asked for what I was looking for in a bra, I immediately answered, "Comfort." The woman assisting me (I am horrible at names) reached for the granniest industrial-strength bra she could find in an appealing-in-a-completely-potato-sack-sort-of-way beige color. It was a silky, stretchy fabric with no adornment whatsoever. In other words, nothing special. But when I put it on (compared to other bras I tried on), WOW was it comfy. And no underwire. And no seams across the cup.

Granny bra for the win!

Once I had a bra picked out, it was time to move on to breast forms. It's pretty cool the way the breast forms work. The mastectomy bras have a pocket opening on the outside of the cup that the breast form slips right into. They are pretty easy to get in and out. The breast forms that would fit a C cup bra came in a couple different sizes and shapes. The first ones we tried didn't quite entirely fill out the bra, so we moved to a bit larger size that fit better. We also tried one that was just as large, but wider and flatter. Not as perky. I opted for the less wide but perkier option. It seemed to fit the best in the bra.

The breast forms themselves are funny looking things. They're made of silicone. At $400 apiece, they should be made of gold. (Thank goodness for insurance.) The breast forms are very squishy. Kind of like moon sand. Lay them flat on a table and they look like a shar-pei's back side.

But hold them in your hand or against your chest and they are perfectly boob shaped. They even have a little built-in nipple.

And they came with the cutest darn storage boxes. They look like old-timey hat boxes - except for boobs. Pink booby boxes. They have a little mesh hammock inside for the breast forms to rest in. How cool is that?

So as I sit here writing this, I am wearing my new boobs and they are pretty amazingly real looking - at least with a shirt on. Much perkier than my old boobs were at the time of their unfortunate demise. And they are the exact same size! First time in my life that my boobs have been the same size. The only issue I have found so far is that it's hard to keep from touching them. That's something I'll have to work on. They're just so darn squishy. Like bread dough.

Kneading your own boobs in public is typically frowned upon, right?


Madge Woods said...

Having had multiple bra fittings over my lifetime and spending close to $200 every bra, I am glad you found something that works for you. And if I had to guess you were actually bigger than D if you had been measure. I went from D'S that I thought was correct to f's-h-I, depending on the bra. Who knew that boobs could actually fit totally in a bra and not have fat hanging in the back and sides. You will love how you look. Photos please wearing them under clothes.

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