The Red Devil is kicking my ass.
Please kindly disregard anything I wrote in this blog prior to the above sentence. Chemotherapy does not play around. It is not pleasant. It is not relaxing. There are no silver linings except for the fact that possibly...just maybe...it's killing the cancer cells in addition to you.
Okay, that may be a bit overly dramatic, but I'm writing this as someone who puked out my car door onto 42nd Street yesterday as cars drove by honking. The memory is still a little too fresh.
So here's what my week has looked like so far:
Day 1: Monday - Received chemo. Spent all day at the hospital. Came home feeling a-okay and somewhat cocky. Had my first and only real night sweat that night. It was unpleasant, but I could totally live with it. Chemo was a piece of cake.
Day 2: Tuesday - Had to go in to the clinic for genetic counseling and a Neulasta shot. Took my mom with me and actually had a pretty good time, if hanging at at the clinic can be called a "good time." Afterwards, we picked up Ruanita and the three of us went to lunch. Later that day, Sophie and I ran to Target to get some snacks I could eat throughout the week. I am supposed to eat 6-7 small meals a day. Having something constantly in my stomach is supposed to help with the nausea. I got quite shaky and nauseous in Target, nothing at all sounded appealing, and I came home with nothing but a small block of cheese.
Day 3: Wednesday - Spent most of the day laying on the couch. Mom came over to hang out and watch Outlander with me. I fell asleep during the 2nd episode. She took care of the kids when they came home from school and took Sophie to karate because I couldn't get off the couch. Ordered pizza for dinner that night, which we didn't eat, and then yelled at the kids at bedtime to hurry up because momma needed to get into bed. Not my best day.
Day 4: Thursday - Spent all day on the couch. Slept off and on most of the day. Immediate nausea if I raised my head off the pillow.
Day 5: Friday - Shaky all day long. Spent another day on the couch. Needed to go pick up my car from mom because we thought we would need it this weekend. Was able to drive most of the way home until I ended up puking on the side of 42nd Street. Went up to bed at 7:00 and slept until 8:00 this morning. Thirteen hours straight. Totally wasted day.
Day 6: Saturday - Woke up this morning determined to have a better day. Stepped on a scale to find I had lost 6 pounds since Monday. I'm not supposed to be losing weight. Determined to eat today. Ate cold chicken for breakfast - protein. It helped. Spent more time upright today, though I am still pretty shaky all over. Laid down in bed upstairs for a couple of hours this afternoon because Nicky had a friend over for a playdate and I didn't want to be the weird sicko on the living room couch. Ended up sleeping about 3 hours. Woke up to the smell of meatballs in the crockpot. I need to eat meat to help with the anemia--I think Ruanita thought tiny meatballs would be more palatable. They smelled phenomenal. Ate 4 meatballs. Sitting at the kitchen table! Then I took a bath. And now I am sitting up in a chair typing this. Sitting upright with no nausea and no internal shaking (seriously...like my whole body is convulsing) is a huge success for me. So I am going to call this a good day.
I know it will get better every day now until I go in again a week from Monday and do it all over again. At least I hope it will get better until then. I don't know. I don't know anything. Except the constant, 100%, laser-like focus on how I am feeling ALL THE TIME is exhausting.
Please kindly disregard anything I wrote in this blog prior to the above sentence. Chemotherapy does not play around. It is not pleasant. It is not relaxing. There are no silver linings except for the fact that possibly...just maybe...it's killing the cancer cells in addition to you.
Okay, that may be a bit overly dramatic, but I'm writing this as someone who puked out my car door onto 42nd Street yesterday as cars drove by honking. The memory is still a little too fresh.
So here's what my week has looked like so far:
Day 1: Monday - Received chemo. Spent all day at the hospital. Came home feeling a-okay and somewhat cocky. Had my first and only real night sweat that night. It was unpleasant, but I could totally live with it. Chemo was a piece of cake.
Day 2: Tuesday - Had to go in to the clinic for genetic counseling and a Neulasta shot. Took my mom with me and actually had a pretty good time, if hanging at at the clinic can be called a "good time." Afterwards, we picked up Ruanita and the three of us went to lunch. Later that day, Sophie and I ran to Target to get some snacks I could eat throughout the week. I am supposed to eat 6-7 small meals a day. Having something constantly in my stomach is supposed to help with the nausea. I got quite shaky and nauseous in Target, nothing at all sounded appealing, and I came home with nothing but a small block of cheese.
Day 3: Wednesday - Spent most of the day laying on the couch. Mom came over to hang out and watch Outlander with me. I fell asleep during the 2nd episode. She took care of the kids when they came home from school and took Sophie to karate because I couldn't get off the couch. Ordered pizza for dinner that night, which we didn't eat, and then yelled at the kids at bedtime to hurry up because momma needed to get into bed. Not my best day.
Day 4: Thursday - Spent all day on the couch. Slept off and on most of the day. Immediate nausea if I raised my head off the pillow.
Day 5: Friday - Shaky all day long. Spent another day on the couch. Needed to go pick up my car from mom because we thought we would need it this weekend. Was able to drive most of the way home until I ended up puking on the side of 42nd Street. Went up to bed at 7:00 and slept until 8:00 this morning. Thirteen hours straight. Totally wasted day.
Day 6: Saturday - Woke up this morning determined to have a better day. Stepped on a scale to find I had lost 6 pounds since Monday. I'm not supposed to be losing weight. Determined to eat today. Ate cold chicken for breakfast - protein. It helped. Spent more time upright today, though I am still pretty shaky all over. Laid down in bed upstairs for a couple of hours this afternoon because Nicky had a friend over for a playdate and I didn't want to be the weird sicko on the living room couch. Ended up sleeping about 3 hours. Woke up to the smell of meatballs in the crockpot. I need to eat meat to help with the anemia--I think Ruanita thought tiny meatballs would be more palatable. They smelled phenomenal. Ate 4 meatballs. Sitting at the kitchen table! Then I took a bath. And now I am sitting up in a chair typing this. Sitting upright with no nausea and no internal shaking (seriously...like my whole body is convulsing) is a huge success for me. So I am going to call this a good day.
I know it will get better every day now until I go in again a week from Monday and do it all over again. At least I hope it will get better until then. I don't know. I don't know anything. Except the constant, 100%, laser-like focus on how I am feeling ALL THE TIME is exhausting.
2 comments:
You are doing great.
There are no wasted days when your body is fighting cancer. You need to sleep all day? Do it up. Need to watch Netflix all day? Rock it. Find you can do anything else at all? You are a fucking champion! There is so much going on beneath the surface and you do whatever it takes to let the chemicals do their job. Keep at it lady. No guilt allowed; you are working your ass off even when you're lying completely still.
Post a Comment