Monday, March 14, 2016

No News Is...No News

No news today.

The biopsy report did not come back from the lab today as expected. Perhaps the lab is as fond of daylight savings time as I am. Or maybe Mondays are slower. Or busier. Whatever the reason, I have no news to report.

I am trying to keep positive, which is difficult to do when all the signs point to Inflammatory Breast Cancer. Of course, I am only an internet connoisseur and not a doctor. I will know more tomorrow. In the meantime, I will keep up my regimen of nervous diarrhea and nighttime panic attacks.

We told the kids on Friday evening and they took it well. Well as can be expected, anyway. Lucas teared up a bit and asked me to promise I would get better (what in the hell are you supposed to say to that??). Sophie played it tough and joked around, but vacillated between being angry and super loving and clingy all weekend. Nicholas has been carrying his baby blankies around with him all weekend--everywhere we go. He has also been very tearful and clingy. On Saturday night, I went to bed early because I had not slept at all the night before. I told the kids that anyone who wanted to come upstairs and lay in bed with me to read or snuggle was more than welcome. Nicky came up several times, always tearful, and always asking to snuggle. He said that he had watched a "really emotional" video game video on YouTube. I don't know about you, but I seldom cried over Donkey Kong. So I think he is having a rough time.

In short, we are doing as well as can be expected knowing as little as we know. Ruanita and I both applied for FMLA through our jobs today. We both have extremely supportive bosses and employers, so we are in good shape there and we feel grateful. After she was sent home from work yesterday to be with her family, one of Ruanita's coworkers stopped by last night with a card and two gift cards. One for Cold Stone Creamery (ice cream!) and one for Amazon.com. Ruanita has, for quite a long time, rebelled against the idea of paying for Amazon Prime despite all the benefits of Prime. It's been a running joke that I am trying to convince her to let me get it and she is being her usual bull-headed self. So her coworkers gave us a $120 Amazon gift card so that I could get Prime and Ruanita would just have to suck it up and shut up. Very sweet, and kind of hilarious.

Waiting is the worst. I just have to tell you that. When I was waiting to get the news on my initial biopsy, I had constant diarrhea. The minute I got the word that I had cancer, the diarrhea stopped immediately. It was not good news, but it was news. I could digest it. I could make a plan with it. I could wrap my head around it. It is the not knowing that is the most stressful--both for Ruanita and myself. Actually, more so for Ruanita than for me, I think. She is having a really rough time, so if you happen to see her out and about, please be kind. She is trying really hard to put forward a brave front, but it is hard. I have my mother and my sisters and my brother and one hell of a raucous and supportive-to-a-fault extended family. Ruanita has no family to speak of, so it is especially tough on her. I mean, I have cancer, but in every way other than the actual physical tumor, she has cancer too. I worry about her.

Anyway...that is enough stream-of-consciousness dribble for one evening. I have to go make some mashed potatoes. Comfort food at its best! Tomorrow I have a breast MRI and a PET scan.

More to come...

4 comments:

Heather Wibbels, LMT said...

I am thinking about you guys, I know the unknown has to be the worst. Although you may be diagnosed with cancer, really the whole family has it. Ruanita, you can do this. Remember we are here for all of you. I know you will kick this, Shannon, absolutely. And very soon, you'll have a diagnosis and from there a care plan. I know everyone's trying to be brave, but cancer is scary shit! Give yourself permission to feel whatever you need whenever you need. All the Kentucky love I have is headed to the great white north with you. Weebs

Heather Wibbels, LMT said...

I am thinking about you guys, I know the unknown has to be the worst. Although you may be diagnosed with cancer, really the whole family has it. Ruanita, you can do this. Remember we are here for all of you. I know you will kick this, Shannon, absolutely. And very soon, you'll have a diagnosis and from there a care plan. I know everyone's trying to be brave, but cancer is scary shit! Give yourself permission to feel whatever you need whenever you need. All the Kentucky love I have is headed to the great white north with you. Weebs

Madge Woods said...

I know women who had the same question posed to them and they answered with I will try with all my strength to get rid of the cancer. You can't give guarantees sadly but the above sentence has helped their kids know that you will do everything the doctors know to do. Also get off the internet:)

Craig said...

Never forget you've got the Indomitable Lunch Bunch in your corner! Hammy's got your back!

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