Friday, May 10, 2013

Bridezilla in the Making

For those of you not “in the know”, yesterday the Minnesota House of Representatives approved gay marriage in the State of Minnesota. It’s not officially legal yet, as the Senate still has to vote on the measure on Monday. However, the Senate is considered a slam dunk. The House was the real obstacle. So…as of August 1st, Ruanita and I are able to get married.

It all happened rather quickly and quite unexpectedly. I supposed when a wall crumbles, it does so in one fell swoop and not one brick at a time. So right now, in this moment, we are seeing history unfolding. And what is a woman to do in the face of unyielding historical freedoms?

Well, plan a wedding, of course!

At least, that’s my thought on the matter. I immediately began trolling Pinterest for wedding ideas. I immediately began googling venues in Minneapolis. I immediately envisioned my two young sons in suspenders and coral bowties. I immediately planned a shopping trip with my daughter to pick out her “fancy” Disney-worthy flower girl dress. I wanted to cheer. And cry. And shout.

Ruanita, however, had a different response to the vote to legalize gay marriage. It went a little something like this:

“Oh, that’s nice.”

Seriously. That’s nice?

Within an hour of gaining (not technically until Monday, but pretty much decided yesterday) the right to marry the woman I love, I found myself incredibly pissed off at her. Like grit my teeth, mumble under my breath, give her the cold shoulder, totally passive aggressive, leave-her-sitting-alone-in-the-living-room-while-I-went-up-to-bed PISSED!

I was irrational. Borderline full-blown bitchy. In other words, I was a Bridezilla in the making.

The truth is that Ruanita’s reaction to the vote is just as valid as mine. We’ve been together for almost 15 1/2 years. In all that time, we’ve considered ourselves married in every sense of the word. We have a mortgage, two cars, three children, and a dog. We had a small, low-key commitment ceremony fifteen years ago. As far as we’ve been concerned—primarily, I think, because we didn’t see another option anytime in the near future—that was our wedding and we are a married couple. An old married couple with fifteen years of wrenching marital experience under our belts. We are far from blushing brides.

It’s a totally valid and reasonable way to look at this historic vote. We will no doubt get married, but Ruanita doesn’t see a reason to make a big deal out of it. I mean, we just bought a new car. Why put money into a wedding that will change absolutely nothing? Ruanita would be thrilled to get married in our back yard with only our three children and our dog in attendance. And we would be legally married. That’s the ultimate goal, right? Who needs all the hype and hoopla?

But the thing is—and I am a little embarrassed to admit this—I kind of need it. At least, I kind of want it. I come from a large family, as many of you know. I have 11 aunts and uncles and 25 first cousins on my mom’s side. I was also in a sorority in college, so I have more “sisters” than I can count on all of the fingers and toes in my family. I have sat through wedding after wedding after wedding. I have bought gifts galore. I have thrown rice and danced the funky chicken and drank more champagne than I care to admit toasting happy couples. And all the while, I wondered, Why not me? When will it be my turn? When will everyone toast to my happiness?

That day has come. Or at least it seemed so yesterday when the vote was announced. I know that I may have gone overboard pushing my sudden “wedding agenda” on Ruanita. I am sure it seemed to come completely out of left field. And really, who can afford a wedding? Certainly not us. And certainly not when the argument could be made that we had our day in the sun fifteen years ago.

But legal matters. As much as we’ve said for fifteen years that it doesn’t matter and that we are just as married as everyone else, we’re not. Not a single one of my twenty-five cousins danced at my wedding. One aunt and two uncles were there, and that was it. I am not faulting them. I am just saying that fifteen years ago, a commitment ceremony was mostly unheard of. No one knew what it meant. No one understood what it was.

But a marriage? A wedding? We all know what those words mean. We all know what it means to be a wife. To be a married couple. I want to celebrate with my family and friends.

I want to be Ruanita’s wife.

So I guess we have some negotiating to do. I have no idea what our eventual wedding will look like. Perhaps it will be a Justice of the Peace in our back yard. I don’t know. I just know that I want what all the rest of you take for granted. I want to marry the woman I love.

And I want to dance at my wedding.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hear, Hear! Shannon, I pretty much got the same response from Jeanne! She's like "you know I don't care about that!" To which I said "Well you should"! Anyway, a wedding will commence, and I will be afforded the legal rights and protection in the eyes of the law when it comes to my marriage. The only thing to make it that much better will be if the Supreme Court rules in our favor too! Then it's a signed, sealed and delivered, marriage equality!

~Mariah

Jessica said...

Great post! Of course if your state is anything like my state, after the legislature passed gay marriage, there was a big outcry, petitions were signed, and it had to go before the voters. Ultimately it was a great success, but it took a little longer than it should have. :(

I hear you about wanting a wedding, I would too in your place. Hopefully you reach a blissful compromise. Can't wait to see the pictures! :)

Pearl said...

When I heard this news, I thought of you :) which sounds sort of odd since we've never really met, but I'm so glad to see the Minnesota is the next state to embrace marriage equality.

Cheers!!

Madge said...

I am COMING to a wedding, period, end of statement.

Sam said...

You SHOULD have a wedding. My partner, Sara, and I have been together for nearly 10 years. When WI passes marriage equality (sometime in my lifetime I hope) we will be having a wedding. Make your wedding day the day you've always wanted it to be!

Amy Lee said...

And you should have a wedding! You both deserve it and how wonderful to get to celebrate this change in our history with your wedding. I say do it, you can have all the things that make you happy and make it a "real" wedding and still keep it low key enough to please everyone!

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