Saturday, July 21, 2012

Ladygasm

I received an interesting and somewhat thought-provoking email this morning from a man named Brian Sloan. I do not know Brian. I've never met Brian. I don't even know what possessed me to read the email, as I typically do not read emails from people I do not know. Perhaps because it said "Proposition" in the subject line and it has been a loooong time since I have been propositioned in any way, shape, or form. Whatever the reason, I read the email. As a matter of fact, I read it twice. Then I read it aloud to Ruanita. She laughed like a rabid hyena. I blushed pathetically. The email went a little something like this:

Hi there - I'm emailing you to find out if you'd be interested in reviewing one of our new silicone female toys from Ladygasm.com on your blog. My idea is this: I can send you a free Ladygasm Cici or comparable toy (you can Google it), and in exchange, you'd just write a review giving your honest thoughts about the toy, and of course somewhere in the article, link to our website or Amazon listings of the toys.

If this project goes smoothly, there are probably other ways we could work together as well. My goal is to let people know about our new brand while providing you with the opportunity to write interesting content for your site. Also, I could give you a personalized discount code to leave in the review (if you like the toy), so that your readers could enjoy the same toy and also save money.

So, just email me back and we can get started. I'm happy to answer any questions you have.

Thanks!

Of course, I did Google it. Almost immediately. I found a shiny metallic purple Ladygasm Cici on Amazon.com for $25.00. But here's the thing, Mr. Sloan. Even if I purchased a shiny metallic purple Ladygasm Cici on Amazon.com for $25.00, I can't imagine myself ever in a million years writing about my experience with it on this blog. I have a bit of a dirty little secret. Well, actually, a decidedly NON-dirty little secret. In essence, I am a prude. Seriously. I am a total Puritan. I know, you are shocked. You would not guess it by looking at me and my hoochie-mama mode of dress, but I am not one who freely flaunts my sexuality. As a matter of fact, I am breaking out in hives at this very moment from just typing the word “sexuality.”

Really, I have no problem with toys. I think toys are great. And even more than I appreciate toys, I love a bargain. I really love free stuff. I mean, the fact that it would be a free Ladygasm Cici would be much more orgasm-inducing for me than the toy itself. Alas, Mr. Sloan, I am more of a keep-it-to-myself sort of girl. My mother reads this blog. My sisters read this blog. My aunts and cousins in Kentucky read this blog. Hell, even occasionally, my partner reads this blog! I really can't fathom the thought of any of them (with the exception of my partner, perhaps) reading about my sex toy usage. I mean, what if one day I get a text from my mother asking me where she can pick up her own Ladygasm Cici after reading my blog?!? I would be utterly mortified. Not to mention completely grossed out since I still firmly believe that my mother only had sex four times in her life. (I beg of you, mom, DO NOT correct me on this fact.)

Please accept my sincerest apology, my dear readers. There will be no discount code on this blog. As much as I would like to give you all a discount on your very own Ladygasm Cici—AND as much as I would love to get ANYTHING for free—I cannot bring myself to do it. I just can't. If you want to log onto Amazon.com and buy a Ladygasm Cici of your own accord, I have nothing but absolute respect for you and your personal choices. If you want to write about it on your own blog, I would probably read it. And I would probably blush. And likely embarrass myself by giggling like a little school girl.

As for me, I am going to keep my bedroom antics to myself.
And I am now going to go try to scrub my brain via Q-tip through my ear.
Gotta get that text message visual out of my head.

4 comments:

Madgew said...

Tell Brian I will do it. I love free toys and have no problem writing about them. Love your response Shannon. Maybe he will send you a free one just for the plug you gave it anyway. Gotta love his pitch. Did you send this blog to him? I think he would love it.

Jessica said...

Seriously, I was thinking the same thing--product placement alone should warrant you a free toy! Just make one of those many mentions a quick link and tell him to send you the goods! ;)

Laura@Catharsis said...

I found you by Googling "Ladygasm + Brian Sloan" because I received the very same email -- WORD FOR WORD. I wrote Brian back to say I would not write a personal review and suggested that instead of sending me the product, he purchase ad space on my blog. It'd be cheaper, and I wouldn't have to tell everyone what I did with that thing. (I mean, just look at the picture. I'm not sure which end goes where.) I'm not a prude (as evidenced through my blog), but there are some things I just won't do. And it's kind of refreshing to know where that line is, I suppose.

Anonymous said...

I'm actually Brian Sloan and I just found this whole page a bit amusing. The offer still goes out to anyone who has a blog. = )

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