Sunday, January 29, 2012

Feeling Pissy Today

My uncle Chris—my mom's brother—was just diagnosed with cancer. I always thought all twelve of the Hardesty siblings were invincible. I am realizing now that might not be true, and it pisses me off.

When it gets really cold outside, the driver-side door on my minivan freezes. It will open, but will not close again. That is, until I trudge back into the house, get a pitcher of warm water, trudge back outside again, and pour the water on the door. Then, and only then, will the door latch shut. On a below-zero day—when I should expect it, but do not—that really pisses me off.

My dog needs a second surgery on her eye. I knew there was a chance the first surgery wouldn’t take, but it still pisses me off.

My eldest son is brilliant….but different. Schools are not equipped to handle smart kids who think differently. Ruanita was the same way as a child and grew up hating school and thinking she was not as smart as everyone else. That just pisses me off.

My cell phone will not display the correct scores on Words with Friends. No matter how many times I uninstall and reinstall it, it still lists wildly inaccurate scores on every game. That pisses me off.

I want to lose weight before our beach trip this summer. No matter how much I want it, however, food sings to me. Mexican, Chinese, American, Indian, Italian…I am not prejudiced against any nationality. I will eat it all. And I do. And that pisses me off.

My children are addicted to screens—computer screens, television screens, video game screens. And worse yet, I think it is my fault. That really pisses me off.

I have more gray hair than Ruanita despite her being eight and a half years older than me. That pisses me off.

The Godiva Chocolate Cheesecake from The Cheesecake Factory has 1109 calories per slice. That is so wrong for something that tastes so right. And it pisses me off.

Third grade homework, as a general rule, pisses me off.

After giving birth to twins, I wet myself when I cough. Considering I am not even forty years old yet, that really pisses me off.

Parents who do not teach their children even the most basic concepts of respect and good manners really piss me off.

Pompous asses touting the merits of “traditional marriage” while cheating on their spouses and divorcing left and right really piss me off. Yes…I am talking to you, Newt.

People who give up and shut down when the going gets tough piss me off.

Money pisses me off. When you don’t have it, it sucks. When you do have it and everyone else wants it, it sucks. When you fight with your spouse about it, it sucks. When you try to save it, but manage to fritter it away anyway, it sucks. When you spend it on yourself and then feel guilty for weeks, it sucks. In general, money is a necessary evil that just pisses me off.

My Uncle Joey, who has been living with AIDS since I was a senior in high school (many, many years ago) isn’t doing so great. After decades of watching friends and loved ones die, he is still hanging on. Everything he has seen and everything he has been forced to endure really pisses me off.

I can’t button the third button of my winter coat without it gaping unattractively. Man, that pisses me off.

I do not like the people who go to Target on Sunday afternoon. People who are there at 8:00AM like me are serious shoppers. We adhere to proper shopping etiquette. We know what we want. We smile politely at one another as we push our carts at a reasonable pace around the store sipping our Starbucks lattes. Target is an oasis in an otherwise crazy world at 8:00 in the morning. Afternoons are a different story. Sunday afternoon shoppers are a different breed altogether. They bring their children along. They refuse to move said children when they stand in front of your cart blocking your way. As a matter of fact they, themselves, will stand in an aisle with their cart parked sideways blocking all traffic as they discuss the merits of chili beans versus kidney beans. They're freaking beans, for God's sake! They do not understand—or perhaps simply they do not care about—the basic social graces of shopping. Sunday afternoon shoppers piss me off.

On a related note, I also hate the check-out crowders. You know the people. The ones who are so very anxious to get through the check-out line that they will not wait their turn. As you step away for a brief moment to put your bags in your cart, they assume their position in front of the credit card machine. Refusing to budge. Even as you tap into your inner contortionist to try to sign your name on the little credit card machine without getting intimate with a total stranger, they do not move. Back the hell up, dude! Check-out line space invaders piss me off.

I hate having to parallel park my minivan in front of my own house. I believe the entire neighborhood should give my minivan wide berth. Anything less completely pisses me off.

Yea, I am pretty pissy today.

8 comments:

Madgew said...

Prissy yes, but funny also. Sorry about your Uncles.

Madgew said...

Not Prissy, I meant Pissy.

Jessica said...

Did Push weekend push you over the edge?

Just Margaret said...

Aw, Shannon, so many of the things you mention have been pissing me off lately too (screen time, eating/weight, boy not understood at school, inconsiderate shoppers, etc).

Hang in there. I recently decided that February Shall Not Suck--and am officially extending that to cover you as well!

Kelly said...

I'm sorry things are so rough right now. I imagine you probably aren't looking for advice so I hope this doesn't make you more pissy, but have you looked into Montessori schools at all? The philosophy generally seems to work well with smart but different kids because they recognize that...well, all kids are different. Of course that brings up the money issue again...

Sam said...

28 years old with sprouting gray hair and a weakish bladder from child birth. I should mention that both of which are in advance of my partner who is 7 years older than me. That pisses me off. Having to adopt my own child because WI laws (and many others) just aren't quite there yet really pisses me off. Love your blog! Sorry your day was pissy.

Nora said...

I can commiserate, empathize, and feel your pain. But maybe I can help?
Ask your gyn about a pessary ring. It is a genius little non-surgical, non-medicated interior ring that offers support so postpartum women can belly laugh and sneeze with abandon.

I hope your days have brightened. :)

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