Waiting for the Other Shoe to Fall

Life is good. As a matter of fact, life is a little too good right now. I find myself waiting for the other shoe to fall. Everything can’t be all roses and sunshine for long, right? There has to be either tragedy or trauma lurking right away the corner. Am I correct? The thing is, however, I don’t see any trauma on the horizon. Every aspect of my life is going quite well right now. And frankly, it scares the living shit out of me.

All three kids are doing well in school. Lucas, who has spent his entire school career surrounding my doom and gloom over his reading and writing skills, is suddenly being hailed as a math whiz. His teacher has moved him into an accelerated class for kids who are gifted in math. Rather than focusing on his problem areas, she is encouraging him to focus on the tasks he can excel in. And he is developing a confidence that I am sure will spill over into his less skilled areas. Sophie and Nicholas both tested very well in their first round of kindergarten testing. They are both well above where they need to be academically. Sophie is making friends left and right. She’s become a little social butterfly despite being shy. And Nicholas is beyond excited to be learning to read. He constantly—and by “constantly” I mean all the freaking time—wants me to quiz him with words to spell. I am pretty impressed with his ability to sound out words. My little savant is continuing to amaze me on a daily basis.

This time last year, Lucas was wracked with anxiety. It had become almost paralyzing. Today, his anxiety is well under control. He still has his little quirks—his odd little “weirdnesses” that we brush off as just “being Lucas”—but he is a happy, healthy, friendly boy who is blossoming into a wonderful young man.

I am truly enjoying my new job. I have freedom to work at my own pace. The work is challenging without being overwhelming. The people I work with are friendly. My manager has repeatedly asked me if I still enjoy working for the company, which makes me think she intends to keep me around. All in all, I am happy at work.

Ruanita is enjoying her time at home with the kids. I was initially worried that she would regret quitting her job, but she loves it. Yesterday, she actually said to me, “My life is pretty perfect right now.” That phrase was actually uttered by the Queen of Pessimism herself! I don’t think I’ve ever heard Ruanita say that life was perfect. Or even good, for that matter. Not on our wedding day. Not at the birth of our children. Never has she said that life is perfect. Usually, all she can muster is an “all right.” So perfect has to mean something, right?

We are getting new windows and making other changes to make our home feel homier than ever. I painted our bedroom yesterday and we have a new floral down comforter in pretty shades of red. Crawling into bed last night felt like staying in the finest hotel in the world. It was pure luxury. We’ve also rearranged our living room and bought new pillows and a gorgeous chenille throw. It feels like two new brand new rooms in our home. The kitchen is next!

So….home is good. Work is good. The kids are good. Ruanita is good. Everything is good.

I don’t like it. It makes me nervous.