Wednesday, August 24, 2011

We're Old. Really, We Are.

Okay all of you late-thirty-somethings out there, want to feel old? Not that we really need help these days to feel old. Our babies are starting school and gray hairs are popping out all over our heads and our bladders have become less than 100% dependable. There is no doubt in my mind, and I am sure in your minds, that we are getting old. However, I thought I'd provide a public service today and make certain you realized exactly HOW old you are. You know...the truth shall set you free and all that crap.

Each August since 1998. Beloit College has released the Beloit College Mindset List, providing a look at the cultural touchstones that shape the lives of students entering college this fall. This morning I happened upon the mindset list for the class of 2015. Today's college freshman was born in 1993. Seriously? 1993?? I graduated from college in 1994. Man, do I feel ancient this morning. Here are some of my favorites from this year's Beloit College Mindset List:

1. There has always been an Internet ramp onto the information highway. (Remember “mainframe” computers in college?)
2. Ferris Bueller and Sloane Peterson could be their parents. (This one just kills me—drives a dagger deep into my heart.)
3. States and Velcro parents have always been requiring that they wear their bike helmets. (I am now one of those Velcro parents. Ugh.)
4. They “swipe” cards, not merchandise.
5. “Don't touch that dial!”...what dial?
6. Amazon has never been just a river in South America.
7. Women have never been too old to have children.
8. We have never asked, and they never had to tell.
9. Life has always been like a box of chocolates.
10. “Yadda, yadda, yadda” has always come in handy to make long stories short.
11. Women have always been kissing women on television.
12. Faux Christmas trees have always outsold real ones.
13. Unlike their older siblings, they spent bedtime on their backs until they learned to roll over.
14. Music has always been available via free downloads.
15. Sears has never sold anything out of a Big Book that could also serve as a doorstop. (My sister and I used to sit for hours with the Sears Big Book circling everything we wanted. Not just toys either. We planned our entire future homes out of that book.)
16. While they've been playing outside, their parents have always worried about nasty new bugs borne by birds and mosquitoes.
17. They've always wanted to be like Shaq of Kobe...Michael who?
18. They've often broken up with significant others via texting, Facebook, or MySpace.
19. Frasier, Sam, Woody, and Rebecca have never Cheerfully frequented a bar in Boston during primetime.
20. Altar girls have never been a big deal. (Altar girls were a HUGE deal when I was a kid. I was in college before girls were allowed to be alter girls at my church.)
21. Andy Warhol is a museum in Pittsburgh.
22. PC has come to mean Personal Computer, not Political Correctness.
23. Few in the class know how to write in cursive. (This one makes me very sad.)
24. “Caramel macchiato” and “venti half-caf vanilla latte” have always been street corner lingo.
25. The Green Giant has always been Shrek, not the guy picking vegetables. (Ho, ho, ho...Green Giant.)
26. Fergie is a pop singer, not a princess.
27. They never twisted the coiled handset wire aimlessly around their wrists while chatting on the phone. (With the phone cord pulled as far as it would go from the kitchen to the living room recliner.)
28. Computers have never lacked a CD-ROM disk drive.
29. Czechoslovakia has never existed.
30. Second-hand smoke has always been an official carcinogen. (We should have all died of lung cancer by now.)

On a related note, I have a phone JUST like the one in the above picture hanging in my kitchen. I paid a small fortune for it from Pottery Barn because it was "retro." And now I don't even have a land line. Yep...that's what we are, folks. Retro.


2 comments:

Barb said...

Sammy reminded me last night that I am old. I called someone a moron while driving home and he asked what a moron was and I told him it's a bad word and Mommy shouldn't say it. "How old are you, Mommy?" When I told him 44, he said, "It's okay to say bad words at your age. You're old." :)

Madgew said...

Okay I graduated college in 1971. Life has changed tremendously. You are young compared to me so that should make you feel better for this morning.

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