Monday, August 15, 2011

Luxury and Life Lessons

I had an amazing weekend. I spent a lovely childless twenty-four hours with my partner at the Grand Hotel downtown, followed by an awesome afternoon with the kids at Lake Minnetonka yesterday. Beautiful weekend. Exquisite accommodations. Gorgeous lake. I am feeling rejuvenated and relaxed today. I also learned a few things this weekend. Life is always full of lessons, isn't it?

Lesson #1: Ruanita and I have still got it. Granted, we get it less than we used to. But we've definitely still got it.

Lesson #2: I need cable. More specifically, I need Bravo. I need The Millionaire Matchmaker. I need Rocco's Dinner Party. I need The Housewives of Wherever the Hell Vapid and Shallow People Live. I need cable.

Lesson #3: Along the same line, I need a deep-soaking tub and a television in my bathroom. Were I to have these two things, I am certain every speck of stress inhabiting my body would float right out the window. I would be a new person. A relaxed person. Dare I say it? A positively pleasant person.

Lesson #4: My mother would do anything for my children. My dog, however, is a different story. The next time Ruanita and I go away for a night, we will have to board the dog somewhere, lest my mother sell her on the black market while we are away.

Lesson #5: A fancy dinner out is nice. However, eating room service dinner in bed while wearing plush bathrobes and watching trash television is immensely nicer. It is probably a good thing I don't have someone to deliver my meals directly to my bedroom or I would never see the light of day. Seriously. I would never leave my bedroom.

Lesson #6: I would like to hire my very own personal concierge. I would like to have someone who greets me with, “ How may I help you, Ms. Ralph?” every time I pick up my telephone. In a similar vein, I would also like someone to “bring my car around” every day. This would come in especially handy in the winter when I could emerge from the warmth of my home to find my car cleared of snow and nice and toasty.

Lesson #7: I do not make enough money to live in the style that I could very easily become accustomed to. Therefore, Ruanita needs to up her game and make me some more money.

Lesson #8: I can survive twenty-four hours without any electronics—except for the television, of course. No laptop. No Facebook. No Words With Friends. Wow...who knew?

Lesson #9: I am quite certain my dog missed me more than my children did.

Lesson #10: Hmm...I don't really have a tenth lesson. Ten just seemed like a nice, round number to end on. Ending on nine would have bothered me to no end. Perhaps the lesson here is that I am still rigid and anal, despite a weekend spent in the lap of luxury. That, my friends, comes as no surprise.


Madgew said...

I am so glad you had such a relaxing weekend. When you reach my age and all the kids are grown and have families of their own you can be like me and do this everyday in your own home with solitude. What happened with the dog?

Jennifer said...

I absolutely love my beautiful niece, Sophie and my sweet nephews, Lucas and Nicholas, as well.....but I have to say, I hate your dog. I had to double up my Xanax while spending the night at your house, not bc the four kids were loud, or rowdy, or fought with each other or whined, bc they did. It wasn't Sophie saying she was hungry every five seconds or that she didn't know what to play with. It wasn't Nicky asking to play on my phone every five seconds, and it wasn't even Jonah crying cause Lucas didn't want to play with him. It was the dog that drove me to put myself in a drug induced coma. I'm just saying thar it's a good thing I love you and Ruanita and adore my niece and nephews, or you may never see me at your house again.

Shannon said...

Jennifer--I promise that if I ever EVER ask you or mom to keep the kids overnight for me again, we will board the dog somewhere. She really is incredibly sweet, but I guess without Ruanita and I around, she was a bit naughty. Or in the words of mom, a demon dog.

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