Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Must-Have Junk

I was perusing an LTD Commodities catalog this afternoon. My coworkers order from LTD religiously. I must admit that I have ordered a couple of things over my last four and a half years of employment. Peer pressure, you know. Mostly, it has been junk. Cheap junk. But I seem to find myself looking through the catalog, regardless. It's kind of like the Skymall catalog on an airplane. Full of stuff that you don't want or need, but you can't seem to avert your eyes. So as I flipped through the LTD catalog this afternoon, several items caught my eye. I thought I would share them with you here.

I've been looking for somewhere to hide all my jewels and wads of cash I have sitting aroud my house. This Hanging Closet Safe fits the bill. Fill it full of your valuables, hang a shirt on it, and put it in your closet. Your money will be forever safe and sound. And it's a steal at $5.95 each!

I am seriously trying to figure out a place in my house to hang this monkey cuckoo clock.
I love the dangling bananas.

Do people really put this much effort into cleaning? I'm afraid I would have to say screw it.

Yea, screw this, as well.

Poor, poor puppy. Dogs should never be subjected to Halloween costumes. Oh, the horror.

What a rip-off! My daughter would realize in five seconds flat that, despite their obvious attempt at similar clothing, these are not the real Disney princesses.

I love my children. As such, there are moments when I just want to light candles and worship at the altar of their gorgeousness.

This may be hard to make out, but the cover of this book shows children performing scientific experiements with eggs, a bottle of syrup, matches, a hammer, and a chisel. Is this a recipe for disaster or what?! If I handed my children those items, my house would be dismantled before I could say "pyromaniac juvenile delinquents."

I would think that a person who truly needed a pulse oximeter for medical reasons would purchase one through a clinic or a pharmacy. Not LTD. So I can only assume that this pulse oximeter is being marketed to hypochondriacs, agorophobics, and anxiety-driven obsessive-compulsives. I am seriously considering purchasing one.

I think this would look quite lovely on my bed. And even better, I think that if I lay down on this bed...

...while wearing this jacket, I will be completely camouflaged and my children will never find me.

If you can't make out the writing, this t-shirt says "Can't get enough guns." At only $9.95 apiece, I am considering buying two.

Toe socks. Wrong on so many levels.

As are flip-flop socks.

To match my horse jacket and my horse bed. Or should I call them "stallions" instead of horses? I am not sure what the politically correct term is.

On clearance for only $4.98 each. Every yard needs a chihuahua spinner.

I have a watermelon sitting on my kitchen counter as I write this just screaming for accessories!

Yes, meerkats are cute. Generally speaking. However, these appear to holding themselves inappropriately. And they were obviously caught in the act, hence the deer-in-the-headlights look. These are a must-have for my garden.

And finally.....

I think this sign is appropriate for a lesbian household.
What do you think?


Anonymous said...

My physical therapists swears by the toe socks. She only wears those kind. The other stuff is too funny for words but you did a great job. Love this.

Stacy said...

LOL!! Those are awesome! I now have things to add to my Christmas list. What catalogue is that????

Barb said...

Hilarious. I really like the bed and the matching shirt. And you could hang the sign over it. Who buys these things?! What kind of people do you work with?!:)

Shannon said...

Barb--I wonder the same thing every day. :)

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