Thursday, April 21, 2011

Perhaps I should just call it a day....

Today is not off to a good start. I overslept this morning. My alarm goes off at 5:30 every morning. This morning, I vividly remember my alarm going off. I reached over, turned it off, and laid there for a second thinking I needed to get up and get going. Unfortunately, however, my bed proved too comfortable and I fell back to sleep. Ruanita was giving off her usual hundred thousand Joules of heat. On a chilly April morning, I snuggled into that heat and fell fast asleep.

At exactly 6:20 AM, Ruanita startled. The sun was shining brightly through our bedroom window. She practically screamed, “Shannon, it's 6:20!” I jumped out of bed in a panic. I have to leave for work at 6:30. I had exactly ten minutes to wash my hair (I could not go to work with the greasy mop I was sporting this morning), blow dry my hair, get dressed, and get out the door. As you can imagine, I was frantic. Somehow I managed to get out the door by 6:30. Luckily for me, it doesn't take long to look like this.

When I arrived at work, I headed straight to the break room for coffee. There was no coffee to be had. The ginormous thermos of coffee was empty. Unfortunately, since moving from the lowly coffee pot to the gargantuan thermos that holds multiple pots of coffee, I haven't taken the time to learn how to make the coffee. So I was at a loss. There would be no coffee until a more skilled soul than me stumbled upon the lack of brew this morning. I trudged to my desk feeling rather defeated already this morning.

The minute I sat my exhausted butt down in my chair, my perky coworker appeared at the door of my cubicle. You may recall me describing this particular coworker a few months ago. She was in a chatty mood this morning and camped at my desk for no fewer than fifteen minutes chatting about who-knows-what. I think there was Easter menu talk involved. I vaguely recall something about a dessert called Apricot Slop. I believe she had inadvertently bought peach nectar instead of apricot nectar and needed to return it to the store. Or perhaps she would hold onto it to make delicious and uber healthy fruit smoothies. Though absolutely fascinating at 7:00 in the morning, I found myself a bit nauseous discussing her Apricot Slop.

At some point in the course of her ramble, as I tried to burst her into flames with my mind, I looked down at my feet. What the hell? I had managed to get myself dressed and presentable for work in ten minutes flat. I had pulled on my gray dress pants and black socks. However, at the end of my legs, I found that my feet were cozily ensconced in my brown leather shoes. I meant to grab my black shoes, but in my sleepy fog, I had apparently grabbed the wrong ones. So here I sit at work. Visions of Apricot Slop floating through my mind. In a caffeine withdrawal stupor. Committing a grievous fashion faux pas. Getting progressively snarkier as the minutes tick by.

Perhaps I should just call it a day.


Barb said...

Hilarious. Although I must say it's better than showing up in your slippers, which is what I did when Sam was a baby, or with your shirt inside out, which I have done more times than I can count. Oh, but that extra sleep was so worth it, wasn't it?

Anonymous said...

I once worked for a doctor who dressed in the dark and was colorblind. He came to work with a brown and black show, one lace up and the slip on.

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