Hoarders

I have come to the conclusion that my children are hoarders. You've all seen the television show, right? People who accumulate junk of various types, persuasions, and sometimes species. Often these people are living in their own filth. If left to their own devices, I am pretty certain my children would eventually reach the ugliest depths of filthy living. Luckily, they have mom and momma to make certain they perform basic hygiene and clean up their messes....somewhat. Though I am not the best housekeeper in the world...by far...I won't allow them to turn their entire bedrooms into giant mountains of refuse. However, they have found ways to nurture their hoarding proclivity, despite my best efforts. Case in point. Their bedside night stands...


This first one belongs to my dear, sweet, first-born child Lucas. Note the two plastic bins of rocks at the top of his night stand. My children collect rocks which then, in turn, collect on their nightstands. Really, what is one to do with rocks other than pile them up on a night stand or other suitable surface? They really serve no purpose. The little black pouch is full of shiny rocks. The pencils in the juice box holder will come in handy when Lucas suddenly comes up with an idea for the next great American novel in the middle of the night. He will have nicely sharpened pencils ready at hand to jot down his future Pulitzer prize-winning prose. My kids learned the proper way top hold juice boxes years ago. However, rather than throwing out the juice box holder, my son has...in classic hoarder style...re-purposed the juice box holder as a nifty pencil-keeper. Ingenious, I say! Then there is the bin of dirty coins. For months, Lucas kept his money in a Ziploc bag on his night stand. He only recently upgraded to the McDonalds Happy Meal Halloween bucket. Perhaps we should invest in a piggy bank for him? The little tin can in the middle of his nightstand apparently holds two pencil sharpeners (it's good to have a back-up for those late night writing sessions), something with eyes, and something with feathers. Oh yea...and some unidentifiable object on a string. The box that still has the $5 price tag on it included a book and some sort of dinosaur toy. I think Lucas may have received this when he was three of four years old. The contents of the box are long gone. Why he keeps the box...and why it has earned a spot on his night stand....is beyond me. As for the yellow Bionicle. That's to be expected, as a Bionicle lands on every single surface Lucas touches these days.


This second night stand belongs to my dear baby boy, Nicholas. Another McDonalds Halloween bucket. You can't see it, but this one is also filled with change...stinky, dirty change. Nicky recently upgraded from the zippy bag, as well. Below that is a pile of books that I am pretty certain Nicholas has not looked at in at least six months. However, if I removed them from his night stands, he would instantly notice and I would suffer the wrath of a skinny little obsessive compulsive stockpiler. In front of the books are a pair of sunglasses (important for those moonlight glares at night), and a pill box. Nicky uses the pill box to store small pebbles. Which brings us to Nicky's rock collection at the left...sitting right there on the night stands, ever-ready to scratch the varnish off of it at a moment's notice. To the right of the pill box are a few random pieces of a dinosaur puzzle that belongs to Lucas. I have no earthly clue where the rest of the puzzle resides. Next to that is a Ziploc container of silly bands...the accessory of choice for today's fashion-minded preschooler. Then there are crayons, a Lego structure of some sort, and a plastic spider....all important to Nicky on some level. There is also a birthday card from his latest birthday in June, a glitter wand of some sort that he probably snatched from his sister, and a deck of Spiderman cards of some sort that I am pretty certain belongs to his brother. Nicholas is our family thief. What's his is his, and what's yours is his. Finally, clinging to the edge of his night stand is a blue baby doll bib. Two Christmases ago, Nicholas wanted nothing but a baby doll for Christmas. We bought him a little boy doll dressed all in blue. He named it Funny. Yea...funny, huh?


This final night stand belongs to Sophie. She recently cleaned off her night stand...by opening the front drawer and sliding everything into it (she inherited her momma's housekeeping skills). So Sophie, though historically the most offensive hoarder, has a fairly clean night stand right now. Relatively speaking, that is. Sophie's night stand also displays a collection of rocks. And a pill box for storing miniature pebble treasures...also known as common gravel. We have rocks coming out of our ears in my house! Sophie has two more bins of rocks on the dresser in her bedroom. The thing I find odd is that they don't even pick particularly interesting or lovely rocks. Most of them are plain, gray, cold, hard, rocks. What the hell is the appeal? Sophie also has a variety of combs for her My Little Pony collection. The combs rank high enough for a place of honor on her night stand. However, the ponies themselves are stashed somewhere at the bottom of her toy box. Makes no sense to me. There is a tiara and sunglasses...for when the paparazzi finds her in the middle of the night. A stuffed bear she received a couple of years ago at a particularly hellish brunch with Santa at the Minnesota Zoo. There is a headband with a flower on it larger than her entire head. I don't think she has ever worn this headband. Not sure why it is on her night stand. There is also a stack of doll clothes. I don't quite understand why her dolls, the beloved Rosie and Suzie, are always naked when there are perfectly good clothes sitting right there. Oh well...who am I to question to dressing habits of Rosie and Suzie. Finally, I see a box of crayons and a Friday's kids' menu. We went to Friday's for lunch after our apple orchard trip a couple of weekends ago. Apparently, it holds sentimental value to Sophie. Who knew?

Well, I think I have sufficiently proven my case. My children are quite obviously hoarders. They acculumate stuff at a rate that is beyond their young years. They are collectors of junk. Connoisseurs of crap. Their night stands are proof positive of this fact. The crazy thing is, I have no idea where they get this propensity for clutter from.............................