Swimsuit Woes

That most hideous of seasons is quickly approaching. Memorial Day has passed. It's right around the corner. As a matter of fact, I will be heading to Kentucky in one short week and will encounter the beast head-on. That's right...I am talking about swimsuit season.

The hotel we are staying at in Kentucky has a swimming pool, as does my cousin. It is unavoidable. We WILL swim at some point next week. As a childless woman, I was able to easily avoid swimsuit season. Grown women do not have to don a swimsuit if they do not want to. That is, grown women who are not mothers. Mothers are not given an option. Mothers have to swim with their children in the summer. My children do not splash around happily in the water all by themselves while I look on from the sidelines. No...they need momma in there with them. Momma has to carry them to the deep end. Momma has to toss them in the air. Momma has to be the shark. Momma has to play Marco Polo and pretend to "dunk" them. Momma has to protect fragile little Nicky from his splashing big brother. Momma has no choice but to suck it up and put on the swimsuit.

My problem does not lie with the swimsuit itself. I am well aware that I am not a sexy babe in a swimsuit. I am OK with that. I can usually count on at least one other person at the beach or pool looking worse than me. There is always the 300-pound woman who insists on wearing a string bikini or the man whose swim trunks are invisible beneath his gargantuan beer belly. So I am not concerned so much about the way I look in a swimsuit. Rather, I am put off by the simple fact that I am going to have to shave my legs to don the swimsuit. I have to actually shave above the knees this time. Ugh. I despise shaving my legs. For one thing, I am completely and totally blind when I remove my glasses. Therefore, I either have to sit on the side of the tub to shave my legs if I want to actually see what I am doing OR I have to shave them completely blind in the shower. It never fails that I will cut myself a minimum of 3-4 times if I try to "feel my way" through the shaving session in the shower. But sitting on the side of the tub buck naked on the ice cold porcelain trying to shave the bikini area is not my idea of time well spent. And don't even get me started on how often the kids will need to get in the bathroom while I am siting there! Will they appreciate what momma is putting herself through to frolic in the water with them? Not a chance in hell! Just add it to the list....yet another thing I do to make my children happy that goes on behind the scenes...unnoticed and unappreciated. Such is the life of a mom.