Bug-o-Phobe

It happened. I killed my first spider of the season last night. I admit to being a bit of a bug-o-phobe. I know there is a technical term for my particular affliction, but I don't know what it is. Therefore, I will settle for bug-o-phobe. I swear the spider I saw last night was the size of my fist (or close to it), scurrying across the carpet in my hallway. A black creature...dark as night. When I saw it, I froze in instantaneous terror. I instinctively turned to find Ruanita, only to realize that I was alone. She was at work. The kids were all tucked soundly in bed. I couldn't beg Lucas to handle it for me. I had to deal with this intruder on my own. I briefly debated walking away and leaving it alone, but it was heading toward the stairs leading up to my bedroom. Can spiders climb stairs? Of course they can...they can walk on ceilings, for heaven's sake! They are evil incarnate...how else is there to explain how they defy the laws of gravity? Would I wake in the middle of the night to feel it crawling across my foot? I couldn't take that chance. The spider had to go. I grabbed a shoe...not my own, of course...and began hammering at the spider. The poor creature was running for its life. I know the shoe was cruel and unusual punishment, but I couldn't risk him heading home and telling all of his arachnid friends how to get into my house. The last thing I need is a spider rave going on in my living room! So I hammered away, trying desperately to contain my scream so as not to wake the children. Finally, the spider was nothing more than a black spot on my carpet. I briefly considered whether it would be inappropriate to go to bed and leave a note for Ruanita to clean up the dead spider's remains from the floor? She probably would not have appreciated that. So I grabbed a tissue. I stood over the spider waiting for it to move...then I walked back and grabbed two more tissues. I needed a good, thick barrier so as NOT to feel any portion of that spider. Intellectually, I knew it was dead. However, my finely tuned instincts told me that it would come to life and scurry up my face as soon as I picked it up. I was going with my gut on this one. After standing over it fretting for as long as I could take, I scooped it up in the tissue and hurried to the toilet to toss it in. I fumbled for the toilet handle and flushed it as quickly as possible. I honestly believed that the spider, now crushed AND drowned...would climb up the side of the toilet bowl and jump on me if I did not flush it away immediately. After the spider was safely ensconced in my septic system, I had to sit down. I was weak in the knees and felt more than a little woozy. It's a good thing it was a spider and not a centipede. Ruanita would have come home from work to find me passed out on the living room floor if it had been a centipede!

Now that spring is here, I am wondering if we could find it without our budget to hire someone to kill bugs for me when Ruanita is at work? I will discuss it with her and report back.