Thursday, February 18, 2010

The winter of my discontent...

This winter HAS to end soon. This has been the worst winter I've ever seen, health wise. Someone has been sick in my house almost every single day since October 1st. It's been insane. We have had ear infections, stomach bugs (ALL five of us more than once!), strep (which none of my kids had ever had before this winter), pink eye, bronchitis, I had viral pneumonia (which, by the way, they cannot treat AND which comes with a $1500 cat scan bill that I received in the mail yesterday...nice.) It's been insane! Just yesterday, after about a week with a cough and a runny nose and 24 hours of holding his ear saying "owie", it finally occurred to me. Hmmm....perhaps Nicholas may have an ear infection? I bundled everyone up, tragically tearing them away from their cartoons yesterday afternoon (Lucas was not shy about voicing his devastation), and we made a trip to the urgent care at Target....sure enough, he has a double ear infection. Amoxicillan is as common as milk in our house!

To make matters worse, I just plain old don't feel good. For about three weeks now, the glands in my neck have been swollen and sore to the touch. I feel like my neck is going to explode. I have a constant neck ache and a frequent headache. It's not a sinus infection...none of the usual drainage. I have yet to go to the doctor because I simply have not had the time. However, I am pretty certain that I have leukemia. Now mind you, I have no medical training whatsoever and I have none of the risk factors for leukemia...but I have WebMD. Symptoms of leukemia:

Fever & night sweats-No fever, but I sweat like crazy at night. It could be because my bed is packed full of little bodies giving off heat. But night sweats are night sweats, regardless of the cause. Right?

Headaches-Yep, practically every day by the time the kids go to bed at night.

Bruising or bleeding easily-Umm...I bleed when the cat scratches me. And I got a bruise last week when Nicholas accidentally head-butted me.

Bone or joint pain-My knees hurt. Of course, my knees have hurt since I was 10 years old, but perhaps it is a slow-progressing leukemia?

A swollen or painful belly from an enlarged spleen-Perhaps it's not a muffin top after all...perhaps it is a swollen spleen? Yes, that's it! I am not fat...I have an enlarged spleen!

Swollen lymph nodes in the armpit, neck, or groin-See!! Leukemia!! I should check my armpits and groin. Not while I am sitting at my desk at work though....some of my coworkers may find that a bit distasteful. I'll check when I get home and report my findings.

Getting a lot of infections-We have all been sick ALL winter! Perhaps we have a group strain of leukemia? Oh no...is leukemia hereditary? I think I've given it to my kids! Oh, the horror!!

Feeling very tired and weak-EVERY freaking day!

Losing weight and not feeling hungry-Umm...ok...I am sure not everyone with leukemia develops every symptom. Right?

See...it's leukemia. My days on this earth are numbered. To my Ruanita, I love you and always will. Enjoy my new laptop. To my kids, I am sorry mommy gave you leukemia. But you are young and strong and I am sure you will be ok. Mommy loves you. To my mom and my sisters, please help Ruanita with the kids...at least dress them for her. She has no sense of color coordination or style. I would hate for them to go through life with her dressing them. To all of my friends and family, don't cry for me. I am going to a better place. I'll see you all on the other side.

3 comments:

Jenni said...

You are out of your mind! :) Maybe though you should go to the Urgent Care this weekend though.

Jennifer said...

LOL... You crack me up Girl!

Stacie said...

Hilarious. Wish we lived closer to one another (you here, obviously--I cannot move to the frozen tundra) so that you could entertain me in person.

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